fear. i notice how much i have of it at times.

i notice it sometimes when i am starting the act of creating something new....paintings...drawings...lyrics...music....relationships with people, places or things.

i noticed it again the other night when i started another one of my doggie portraits. it started as a thought. a thought that i would not be able to accomplish what i was setting out to accomplish..which in that instance was to capture the spirit of the dog from the photograph in front of me.

again...the lesson. let go. stop thinking. just pick up the brush. mix the colors. start. start somewhere. start anywhere. trust. let go.

and i always notice...usually after the fact...and sometimes during the process of creating whatever it is i happen to be working on at the time...that it is the courage to paint exactly what i see, draw exactly what is before my eyes, write exactly what i feel, accept the reality of what the thing is...not make it something different...not fantasize about what i would like it to be. just face the reality of it head on...not judge it or make it something it's not...that only then is the fear dispelled.

it's funny to me...after all these years...how it's still present...the little monster.

since it doesn't seem to be anything i can wish away, maybe it's time to make fear my friend.