My proclamation today is that I am not perfect. I know that comes as a surprise to some of you... because I have this attitude that would fool the best of you.
And by the way...when did anyone ever hear me proclaim "I am Atalee. I am Perfect. Look at me. Be like me"? ...Ever?... Didn't think so...
Am I a mentor, a role model, a leader, a good person? I am none. I despise being anything that has a "allusion of set ideals/expectations". I disliked most of my mentors, most of my role models are dead, I am not leading anyone anywhere, and I don't want to be a good person because that definition is just screwed up anyway. It's like saying if all priests are good people then why do they prey on young boys/girls? WTF. I prefer to believe I am more like an "expect the unexpected" kind of person. Currently, I am honest, but I have lied to survive. Currently, I do not steal, but have also stolen to survive. Currently, I do not cheat, but I cheated on quite a few tests in high school. So already I am not a good person. I will repent. There. Done. Oh, I am a good person again...how cheap & lame.
Am I a neophyte? On many things, yes, and I fully admit this and admit when I am wrong as well.
Am I proud of myself? BIG 'OL COCKY AMERICAN HELL YEAH, I HAVE to be and it can admittedly get in the way... only people I trust & respect can put me in check though - I do NOT listen to just any blabbering idiot. They have to be idiots that I know, trust and believe in fiercely.
Am I always right? Nope - I am just as moronic as most of you as well... and have learned through many mistakes and foul-ups, as well as burnt some bridges from my past. Regrets are cheap & lame as well - and I do not spend my time wasted on such things.
Do I learn from my mistakes? Only sometimes. It may take a few rounds for them to sink in or I get sick of the same mistake over and over, and only then, do I make adjustments. BUT I will say here, that I do not use the excuse of "I am trying my best to find what's up and what's down...and if that's not good enough...blah blah blah" Pathetic - I owe it to myself to be better than this. If I really try - I can do amazing things. I also am impatient when others make mistakes that are so glaringly obvious I have to wonder if they are wanting attention or trying to sabotage their life.
Some people continue to think that I sit high up on my "Atilla throne" and judge them. Oh sorry, but I don't give you or your life much thought. Maybe that's what they can't deal with - is that I don't care about them. When they cross a boundary with me repeatedly (I use the 3 strike rule) - that's when I get in their face and tell them exactly what they did to piss me off, whether they care or not, & that they can bugger off.
I have gone through shitloads of life crap - just like most people have - but I think the difference is - while they are repressing, being polite, conveniently forgetting, or simply taking it... I wear it on my sleeve, I yell defiantly, and I am cocky. I wouldn't be here today if I wasn't like this. So bugger off.