In the last year or so -- since breakthroughs in therapy opened up my mind in all sorts of new ways -- my nights have been riddled with crazy, good, nightmarish and always-vivid dreams that, honestly, don't help me getting a good night's rest. Usually these dreams are never really TOO good or TOO nightmarish, but just enough of either to never let me REALLY relax. Since this began, there have seen a couple of real zingers, but nothing like what happened last night.

Here's what I remember:

I'm on either the moon, or a desert, or something resembling both, I can barely tell. I can see the ground, dust, dirt, rocks of varying colors and hills off in the distance. It's an odd scene, and it's cold, windy and empty.

I see someone walking in my direction in the distance, but I'm not sure who it is. I can't really walk toward them either, all I can do is stand in place and watch their approach. As they approach, I get a feeling of unease and calm at the same time, and I'm not sure why.

As soon as I can see who it is, it hits me.

It's my father. My real father. The father I never met and have only a few pictures of. The father who died when I was in my 20's and I never got to know, and who never got to know me.

I'd only seen maybe three pictures of him; a couple when he was younger and dating my biological mother, and his last driver's license photo. In spite of this, I knew in my heart and mind that it was him.

He walked up to me and smiled at me with vivid, blazing eyes. He then put his hand on my shoulder, smiled some more in a comforting way and said, "You're close to finding what you've always been looking for, my son."

I could barely speak, shocked at what I was hearing and seeing, and slightly teary. All I could get out was, "What's that?"

He said, simply, "Clarity."

And I woke up, sweating a little bit, panting, as if that simple word shocked me into reality with a jolt. When I awoke, I felt...odd, strange, good, uneasy, peaceful, and a ton of other things.

It's one of the most vivid, most moving, and most haunting dreams I've ever had.

What did he mean by clarity? I honestly have no idea, as it could mean just about anything. Clarity about my past...my present...my future...a specific person...something about myself...who knows?

I certainly don't...not yet anyway. But honestly? I'm pretty excited about it, whatever it is.

So that's my dream...one of the...I don't know which word to use...most intense dreams, yet the simplest, I've ever had. Hopefully it's meaning will become clear soon enough, but if not, I'll enjoy the journey along the way. :)