It's been a tough start to this year, first up to bat is my mother's declining health, I hadn't seen her in a while and was hugely shocked to see how much weight she'd lost and that she seems to have, well the only way to put it really is 'slowed down'. It was a huge shock to the system, after spending a very pleasant day with her I helped see her off in a cab and the floodgates opened flooding the streets with salty tears which surprised me no end as there was no warning.

I've had a difficult relationship with my mother you see, she was very cruel to me as a child, mostly due to her own unhappiness within her marrage, so I was the person to blame, then she left me when I was eleven and I had been quite bitter for years almost feeding off the anger and anguish that I had buried deep, deep down within.
However with the sifting of time's sands we change, we all change regardless to how much we grasp the past we become different people and we feel emotions in completely different ways, some people refer to this as 'growing up' but there's no such thing, you just get old enough to be responsible for the stupid things you do, anyway in time I felt it was a strain within to keep all this bottled rage and hurt within it's little internal cell and thus it was released. Some phone calls and some truths galloped out with reckless abandon and then the facts remained but the emotions bloating them into internal demons were gone.
I spoke with my mother now and again and decided it was time to spend time with her, in this case Christmas day, the image I had kept in my mind of the proud, strong, frightning woman was smashed upon seeing her get taken out of the cab. I made the day go by as enjoyably as I could, we had dinner, we sang, we laughed, we talked in detail about what they did for entertainment back when she was a kid, it was a very pleasant day and I saw her off then came a gush of surprising emotions that I didn't even know I was repressing.
Ah, what can you do? All I can do is being something good, something fun, something enjoyable in her life, I've got time enough to curse the world later.

Next up is poor wee Merri. I have two cats that I've inherited from my ex, John, and they've been in my life for a loooong time now so I know their little quirks and indiosyncracies and have grown to love them both very much. Unfortunately last year started to develop a lump on her neck which has grown and grown and so to the vet she's been and although we still don't know for sure what it is she was still behaving as usual until recently when she's started to act so odd. She's not as loud as normal, she's very, very 'huggy' and she keeps going off to hide in odd places. I feel so horribly helpless to her, so useless, that it's been on my mind constantly. I just want the lass to feel better, she's such a little joy in my life even though she's a pain in the ass a lot of the time it's still beeen so wonderful to have her here with me to make it just that little bit better to come home after a day's work.

Now it's tough for other people to feel the sympathy for a pet they don't own so I understand if this seems a tad over the top, but she's my little lass and I love her dearly.

So last up to bat is unemployment, bastard came a-knocking at my door wearing a 'Credit Crunch' t-shirt and an evil glint in his eye, but to be honest I ain't looking for sympathy on this as I can handle it and there's so many other people in the same situation that need your worries and prayers much more than I so worry not.

For I am the incredible bouncing-back boy and will find a way as I always do, however what I will not do is say something crap like "If life gives you lemons make lemonade" because making lemonade is too messy when you can just buy a bottle from the shop and besides the lemons would be much better used in a salad of maybe squeezed over a nice pasta dish with a little rocket.

Still with all of this Mum's still here, Merri's still here and I'm not beaten yet. Time to make eveyone dinner.

Using lemons in some way, cheesecake maybe?