well im more calm ive been saying goozfraba from anger management alot while listening to the english "verses" of the trigun song sound life.

this rant is on ONE person.. only a few people know who he is and my issues with him but tonight it royally pissed me off and it takes a lot to do that.  As some of you know I lost my other parent (mom) before thanksgiving (suicide), it was a suicide. That's a lot to think about "why did she do it?, could I have stopped it?, realizing i have no more actual parents in the world now" this is just a few things ive been thinking about recently, VERY FEW of you know about other things ive been thinking off.

believe it or not i hold alot alot alot alot ALOT!!!!! of my anger on the inside and ill occasionally talk about it to myself. i keep alot of my emotions bottled inside and tell a few people how i feel occasionally.

so today while celebrating a friends birthday at olive garden (WOOT HAPPY B-DAY MAN) his father decided to get on me about  "i should get a job and im not trying hard in school"

OK 1. I DO PLAN ON GETTING A JOB AFTER SCHOOL. i dont need some out of shape (ok i shouldnt be saying that im kinda out of shape myself) asshole who only has his job because his x-wife payed for him to get threw school so he can do what hes doing now tell me about getting a job. i do plan on getting one after high school. and what i wanan do is wrestle liek they do in WWE and AT LEAST ILL BE PAYING FOR MY SCHOOLING THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. IVE BEEN RESISTING THE URGE TO SAY FUCK THE WORK AND JUST BE LAZY AND RELAX MY WAY. see with everything ive gone threw mom's suicide and all this stuff ive been thinking about, it takes alot of my energy out of me and i really dont feel like doing alot. its even effected my game playing..i dont play that much any more all i do is surf the web and im really bored with that as well. im trying really hard to work hard and do my best in school instead of being lazy and saying fuck it, IM REALLY CLOSE TO DOING THAT BUT IM NOT CAUSE IM STRONG WILLED.

and after that his 2 kids joined in. 1 ill accept because it was his b-day and he wasnt getting on me as much as they were. the other one though i wont accept, he says i play video games to much, which i do i wont lie there, i do. but with everything ive gone threw recently i believe i deserve some down time video game wise, its what relaxes me and keeps me from killing people. of course i did play games alot before everything that happened but recently i dont know i just havent played as much as i used to.

i did have a job and i was fired for a bs reason, and i worked so hard to keep my grades up with it, now with this new stuff going on and holding a job while worrying about school... i couldnt do it. im so close to looking at there dad and telling him to fuck off, i respect elders (sadly even the ones that dont deserve it) and i even restrained myself from punching him, he was right next to me.

we were having a battle of "insults" so to speak i guess i called him fat, he made a gay reference, i made a gay reference to all 3 of the boys since they watch smallville lol. but i guess you can say he won the insults alright. he pissed me off so much.

anyway im done for now you get the idea, kid going threw alot, 1 asshole bothering him insulting his pride and what he does....i hate that guy

peace