Oh yeah...

My life has been changing so fast: I'm a grown-up man now... I've got a job, I've got a wife... I've made it now!! I'm someone finally would some people say... And yet I'm wondering, wondering about something, as if I'm missing something, maybe missing everything...

Oh yeah, work is important. When people ask you what you do to earn money they might even derive your identity from the answer... I basicaly just take care for the green in the city because I need the money to live with my little family... But I'm happy with this job because at least I do something that makes the world a little better... even if it's just about working with plants and trees in this city...

Hmm... I once collected bags of garbage on the street formy money, and it was maybe the most useful thing I ever did for which I did to get paid! If people would not do that for some weeks the world would be a big garbage belt!!! Sometimes the most dirty jobs are more important than the big jobs people look up to in this world... But hey, doctors and teachers were slaves in the roman empire... 

I don't believe that a 'job' should be your identity... it is important to do things that make the diference... Paid or unpaid... Am I the guy who does the lawn in the stuyvenbergpark, or an I the weirdo who sings 'father I am tired', a song of which people tell me they can relate to, but of which i've never made any money. Or am I just the friend, the lover, the guy who tries to be a follower of Christ? I don't know :s

All I wanna be known for is the love that I give!!!! The rest should be just details!!!

bout sex then... It is so over-hyped in this world, but I've never been interested in it the way the world sells it. I never experienced it that way either...

Call me naieve for my perception of it, but here's my point of view on sex: I've been single all my of life, and I had never even kissed a girl before I started the relationship with she who is my wife now... People don't believe me when I tell it but it feels natural to me, just to discover everything together... she's my best friend, she's my lover, she's the biggest present God ever gave me, and she will never be replaceable. I am very well aware that such a thing can only happen once in a lifetime. And that it sounds alien to lots of people too if you tell about such thing...

Love is something weird: It is strange when someone really loves you like she loves me... It is strange when she knows everything about you, including all the dark thangs that you hate about yourself, and still loves you more than you can understand... The Eros stuff is just a part of it, and the love would still be there without sex and it would still be complete in a sexless world... Sex is a part of our relationship, and because it is something we have discovered together, it can only be a part of me and her, and not something on itself... And still it is just an expression of something deeper... It is giving yourself, litterally becoming one, and being so vulnerable without being hurt....

When you are loved in such a complete way, and then you feel at the same that God does love you with a love even bigger than this love which seems to be beyond compare and in which you float away, you cannot do a thing but just drown in it...

Love is what matters... Not money, not your job, not sex... Love is the first law!!! The love that you have given will be what matters in the end!!!!

shalom

Bram

edit: the song 'beauty in this innocence' on my profile is about this too... (and it was recorded live in the chapel during my wedding ceremony!!!)