Well I haven't written anything in a really long time.....and I feel that it is time I do....I am feeling a little stressed....For those of you who really know me..I am into everything....I haven't figured out why I am..I might be trying to hide from something, maybe not deal with certain things...I'm not quit sure....But i know I'm not the fully put together, powerful, independant women people may think....I stress, I worry, I have problems..I don't cry though..and that scares me...I may not talk about it all the time...(actually, I don't think i talk about any of it) I often question what my direction is..and I question why God put me here.....Recently and friend that was very close to Chris and I father passed away....during the funeral....all his daughters got up and spoke about what a wonderful man he was.....what he did in his life, what he accomplished....how he taught his kids about life....I wonder if I have instilled these values and morals...and respect in my kids.....And I don't think I have....I would love for my kids to summarize all the good I hope I have done....My daughter is almost 11 and boy does she challenge me....I know i am strong...But I just hope she is the same caring person....I am...I always think about how would I feel if I was in the same situation. Maybe I should let her be selfish and self centered......People who are that way seem to be better off....they don't worry to much about other people....they just focus on one..."themselves" As for my Son's..they only seem to worry about breaking things...but I guess that is ok...
So I sit here with MY space..and wonder and type...and try to see what God has in store for me.....I take care of EVERYTHING in my house....I am getting burned out...and is in a desperate need of sometime in the woods, reflexing and enjoying the simple things in life....and REFUEL...because I am loosing ground very fast....Chris and I need some refueling...because we just don't enjoy each other as much as we should.....I am the one who always say's.....our turn is coming...to focus on us and our relationship.....sometimes I need to hear those encouraging words....and I wait and wait.....and they never come....I get so sick of waiting....