As I clock watched my way through work the day before today I saw one of the crappest lists I have ever seen. I am a big fan of lists, cos I is a bit sad but this list was bare bad n tingz.
The top 10 catchphrases heard by teachers:
1. Whatevah (
The Catherine Tate Show and
Little Britain) - 69 per cent
2. Am I bovvered? (
The Catherine Tate Show) - 65 per cent
3. D'oh! (
The Simpsons) - 54 per cent
4. Innit? (
Little Britain) - 48 per cent
5. The computer says no (
Little Britain) - 39 per cent
6. You are the weakest link... goodbye (
The Weakest Link) - 28 per cent
7. I'm a celebrity... get me out of here (
I'm a Celebrity...) - 12 per cent
8. You have been evicted (
Big Brother) - 10 per cent
9. WAGs (
WAGs Boutique) - nine per cent
10. This fing you know nuffin about (
Little Britain) - four per cent
In particular I would like to point you towards the supposed 7
th most popular catchphrase heard in British schools, that being "I'm a celebrity…get me out of here."
I would really like to know if this is some sort of joke at my expense, or if 1 in 10 of Britain's youth are going round classrooms simply naming ITV programmes. I just cannot fathom what context you could use it in. Don't even get me started on number 8 - 'you have been evicted', that's just completely fucking retarded.
However if you think kids are thick and chavtacular these days then check out these examples of 'inexcusable behaviour' that I somehow acquired from the 1980s. On the final one I have blurred some details, so yes I have fucked the data protection act, but only very gently. Anyway I'm pretty sure you can release private info after like 20 years, so it won't be long before we all learn Hillsborough was a massive hoax. Lol @ dem witty scousers!
It was only a fishtank, goddamit. Still you'd think if they hid it in a bush they'd have done a better job.
Kinky! That particular letter was stolen from St Trinians.
Prpph seems like Ian Huntley was just a copycat what with the schoolkeeper/young girl thing. I also think it's incredible how many ways there are to disrupt a humanities lesson. I would never have thought of that one.
So anyway if you happen to be worried about today's youth then fear not. They/we have been shits for a long long time. I'm off to enjoy the summershine, and maybe think about how to write something that doesn't incorporate Ian Huntley in any form.
So long and goodnight!