From the BBC website text commentary of Saturday's big race! (my money is on Eurotrek and Liberthine!) This blog is something of a protest at the stupid names people give to horses. I'd like to see how the trainers would cope with being called Bindaree.
Welcome to the 2,766th Grand National from Aintree in association with Whiskers
Going is good to soft and back to good again (gardening weather)
Horses nearing starting line
Beechtree Wazzock causing disturbance
Beechtree Wazzock unseats saddle
Penny For A Gay tramples on Beechtree Wazzock's saddle
Under starters orders
AND THEY'RE OFF!
Clean break from all 40 horses except Beechtree Wazzock
Beechtree Wazzock put down
Hotter The Otter leads
Followed by Canary Woooorf, Teflon Phallus and Lurpak
Peter Sutcliffe (15/9 Joint Favourite) in midfield
Smells Like Gas (30/18 Joint Favourite) in midfield
Miserable Failure and Barrymore in rear
Approaching Fence number 1
Hotter The Otter clears fence and leads by a length
FALLER!: Celtic Menopause
FALLER!: GCSE Horse Studies
JOCKEY DESTROYED!: Tony Dobbin
Approaching Fence number 2
Hotter The Otter clears fence and leads by the length of a bus
Everyone clears Fence number 2
JOCKEYLESS HORSE!: Celtic Menopause causing mischief in the midfield
Hotter The Otter leads by a furlong
Hotter The Otter leads by 2 furlongs
Hotter The Otter leads by Paul Furlongs
CRASH!: Hotter The Otter smashes into advertising hoardings
Hotter The Otter wasn't looking where he was going
Hotter The Otter unofficially destroyed
Mmm Caramac is the new leader
Hitler's Showers in second
Hotter The Otter officially destroyed
JOCKEYLESS HORSE!: Celtic Menopause is shunting Aids Awareness Day
Aids Awareness Day fights back
HORSE SCRAP! Celtic Menopause and Aids Awareness Day fighting
Celtic Menopause destroyed by racetrack butcher
Mmm Caramac is still leading
Peter Sutcliffe making little progress
Approaching fence number 7
FALLER: Mind The Fence
Herald Of Free Enterprise struggling
Barrymore still at rear
Im Just A Horse making headway
Harry Hastings disputes lead with Mmm Caramac
UNSEATED RIDER: Lurpak unseats Seamus O'Dufflecoat
JOCKEY DESTROYED: Seamus O'Dufflecoat shot on site
RACETRACK BURIAL: Race officials opt for quick burial in Asda Hospitality Suite
Approaching Beechers Brook
Harry Hastings and Mmm Caramac clear fence
FALLER: Smells Like Gas
FALLER: Dando's Doorstep
PRATFALLER: Norman Wisdom
FALLER:Camp Fart
UNSEATED RIDER: Canary Wooorf unseats Caroline Quentin
Mmm Caramac regains lead
Horse In Reverse going backwards
BABY HORSE! : Harry Hastings drops a sprog
TRAGEDY: baby horse squashed by Lurpak
Lurpak destroyed
Yorkshire Prostitute is the new leader
Closely followed by Peter Sutcliffe
Yorkshire Prostitute disputes with Peter Sutcliffe
Yorkshire Prostitute ridden along well
Peter Sutcliffe closes in on Yorkshire Prostitute
Yorkshire Prostitute collapses
Peter Sutcliffe leads by half the size of a family saloon
Teflon Phallus in second
Teflon Phallus making incredible headway
Teflon Phallus storms to front with electric pace!
Teflon Phallus leads by miles
Teflon Phallus looking tired
Teflon Phallus can't keep it up
Teflon Phallus drops dead
At the Turn
Bette Middler's Saggy Tits is the new leader
Followed by Challenge Anneka, Peter Sissons and Crabs
Penultimate fence
Bette Middler's Saggy Tits clears fence
FALLER: Undercooked Steak
FALLER: Crabs
FALLER: Barrymore
FALLER: Heroin Addict's Sunday Dinner
FALLER: Iraq's Future
Iraq's Future destroyed
Heading for the last
Bette Middler's Saggy Tits disputes lead with William G. Stewart
William G. Stewart lands first!
Into the home straight
William G. Stewart pulling away
Kids Say The Funniest Things! Moves into second
Bette Middler's Saggy Tits in trouble
<STRONG>
contesting third
Poorly Trained Climber close behind
Turkish Suicide running like a spaccer
Bette Middler's Saggy Tits has fucked it up
Kids Say The Funniest Things! and Poorly Trained Climber run to the front
50 metres
Poorly Trained Climber takes the lead
Poorly Trained Climber is going to win the National
Poorly Trained Climber holds on!
William G. Stewart takes second
Three Legged Spastic limps home in last
RESULT:
- Poorly Trained Climber (66/1)
- William G. Stewart (15/1)
- Go Fuck Yourself (pi)
- Fanta Is For Plebs (9s)
enjoy the real race, and bet as much as you can! cheerio.