I browse the magazine rack of WH Smith.
There are a lot of breasts. A few weeks back I am sure I was told that Nuts and
Zoo catered for different markets. Zoo women generally have breasts that
developed over time via puberty and hormones, Nuts’ breasts are developed by
implants and craftsmanship. That might be the other way around…or it might not
even be true, but I am sure I read it while I was awake.
I am now old enough to buy The Oldie, well
near enough, I like being in the youngest part of their readership, the
juvenile amongst people who are ld enough to remember when Francis Bacon spilt
his booze on them while reaching for a young man in the Colony Room.
....
Coming up with ideas for stand up seems to
have slowed down now I have stopped buying newspapers. When I read between
three and eight newspapers a day it was pretty easy to summon up some comedic
rage about a misinforming columnist or pointless waste of a prime page on a
glib story. I decided I didn’t have quite enough mental energy to fall straight
into a book when taking the morning train back from Southampton on Saturday, so
I broke my rule and bought The Guardian. Oh good, a long glossy interview with
Mariah Carey, I believe her music has sculpted the Guardian readership’s world.
Many of them remember that moment they were listening to Mariah at exactly the
point they decided they couldn’t go on that anti War march because it was the
first day of the sales at John Lewis. When I haven’t watched television for a
while, the adverts seem to scream at me, having not picked up The Guardian for
some time, the prevailing weekend glibness rubbed itself in my eyes like a
stinky unguent.
....
Hopefully, I have pretty much finished the
second draft of my book about killer locust novels and right wing Christian lifestyle
manuals. This was thanks to the amount of traveling I’ve had this week.
....
The Amazing Meeting in London was great fun
to play. It is a joy to play to an audience who cheer and applaud when you
mention their favourite Nobel prize winning physicist. My main error was
resurrecting my ‘magic man done it’ routine from some years ago and performing
it quite poorly. It seems that Brian Cox and myself accidentally created book
ends for TAM Saturday. He was the first lecture of the day, and he began with
an excerpt of Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot. Having no knowledge of this, I ended
our show with a reading of the same excerpt. We are co-presenting a series on
Radio 4 about science , a general module where Brain will counterbalance my
poor grasp of laws and theories with his wisdom. Finding a title has not been
easy. TV and radio companies are pedantic when it comes to titling a show. The
working title is Top Geek. We have both said we will not present the show if
that is the title. Brian suggested The Science Show, I thought maybe Infinite
Monkey Cage might be ok, the producer’s friend had come up with the stunning
pun Here’s Looking at Euclid.
....
I missed most of TAM events over the
weekend due to my previous commitment to sing “yes my name is Iggle
Piggle”.
....
I have just signed a horribly big cheque
for the final Nine Lessons and Carols gig. As with last year, it’ll be at
Hammersmith Apollo allowing us to have a great big star curtain and 25 piece
orchestra. I have big plans and we’ll have a great array of scientists and
comedians, just trying to get some tip top musicians, it’ll be hard to top
Jarvis Cocker singing I Believe in Father Christmas. I have written to Nick
Cave’s agent and Neil Hannon’s too, but heard nothing yet. Ann Druyan, Carl
Sagan’s co-writer and wife has said she’ll come over, so I am hoping tickets
are bought etc so we can do that. She is a great science communicator in her
own right and it will make Brian Cox all giddy.
....
It seems I am in trouble with Gervais for
mentioning that he might have small feet to a member of the audience at
Southampton.