History/Bio/General Bullshit
BARNYARD MASTURBATOR was the brain child of singer Scarlet. She first conceived the idea in 1977, the year Elvis died, although she wasn't actually born until
1980 some 36 months later. The idea lay dormant for 22 years until she had settled in the UK having left the third world behind in 1998 (California)
The year was now 2002. The band took a step closer in 2003 when Scarlet met a balding tramp called Andy on a park in Derby. The story goes she enquired if the dosser could play guitar? "No" came the instant reply..."But i can drink like a fucking fish" - He was in and the core of the band was formed.
2003 the band remained an idea but developed when it grew a bass player out of out of date yoghurt & a drummer was found thanks to 'Blue Peter' (BBC1)
2004 and the Barnyard legacy began in earnest with their debut gig @the Derby Punx Picnic & first festival performance at Wasted Fest @Rock City in Nottingham with all the usual suspects.
2005 arrived with some major changes in the band. Cider was now their preferred drink of choice. Armed with a crate or 7 they retired to Derbyshire also with a new drummer to lay some tracks. Yes they now all worked for Midland Mainline Railways! It was the weekend of April 23 that it was decided to record some of these tunes that the band had been playing around the Midlands. (Mainly Derby / Leicester / Grantham & Brum)
"UNLEASH THE COCK" was unleashed around June of the same year.It contained 3 of the bands live faves including the acidic "The Scum Between My Toes" - It sounded a jolly enough number but it was actually a tirade of abuse against Ian Huntley (Bastard child killer) Many folk who gyrate at the live version and get down to the cow bell beat may have been oblivious to this or just wankered on cider! At the same time the band parted with Andy who decided to quit having lost the last strand of his hair. Bassist Flek was also out of action following a freak accident with an egg. A new guitarist was dropped off. Steve, the son of the jolly green giant took up the 6 string. Many gigs were undertaken around the UK following the purchase of the unofficial 5th member a rusty lump of tin called 'The Beast' that resembled a transit van. Audiences were wowed as far a field as Manchester!!!
2006 & the band were gaining much popularity. Further gigs were taken with the likes of UK Subs & GBH even requesting their services as support. Many offers came in again from Manchester & Stockport (Thanx you crazy fools!) It is a well known fact that 1 in every 4087 houses in Stockport has a copy of a BYM CD! Respect!! The band also debuted at the 'Rebellion' Festival in Blackpool which was mental. The band were busier than a 10 year old working for NIKE.
2007 arrived with more corners of England being visited as well as frequent soirees to Wales & Scotland. Surely it was only a matter of time before America beckoned?
2007 & the band decides to record a debut album. WINSTON REX respected Punk indie label (Which was unheard of at the time) bank rolled to the band to the tune of a picked egg, packet of plain crisps & bus fare to Birmingham for 3 to nail the mother down. Half of the end product was recorded in Birmingham & the other half in Nottingham as the thick 6-stringer turned up in the wrong 'ham to lay down his guitar licks!! You can't tell which was recorded in a bedroom or studio anyway.
The album was rush released and rush recorded to be fair. (Record company pressure) Having bashed out the album in 7 hours...the 13 new tunes & 1 jazz re-working of 'Plastic Surgery' which was given new lyrics to savage TV's!! 'Pete Burns' with was released to a baying public. The album went zinc in just under 3 months!! A mean feat indeed. Tours to promote the album were undertaken with Subhumans & Aussie mates 'Bastard Squad' & included a first trip to the nations capital...London. Many more gigs ensued climaxing in Nottingham.
2008 - It was decided to take it easy, re-group & re-assess. Only 2 gigs to date but something is stirring but that may have just been the sausages i had for tea.
The band still have merch available & have a book about 'Masturbating Techniques / Dangerous Places to Masturbate' due Sept 08. Apparently Dave Harris, Rebellion ticket operator has advance ordered 4 of these already??
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2009 To Date!
After the recruitment of former 'Swallow' bass-bird Syphi Lizz at the arse end of '08 the band received a HUGE knock-back when man mountain, stamp collector & professional dog walker (His job!) Big Steve Blower quit the band due to work commitments (Crufts etc) There was no ill feeling & all the current band are on very good terms with him.
March '09 - Whilst on a walk in the Peak District, Derbys Scarlet received a call on her mobile. It was from her friend Julie. It was something to do with ingredients & seasoning for a cake or summat & had nothing to do with sorting out the vacant guitar position.
Amazingly on the same walk.....pie fingerer Lazza also received a call to his mobile but it was Vodafone trying to sell him something. The person calling was dispatched with a polite 'Get fucked!'
Unknown to them both at the same time, ex Rocket Polisher & Leeds based citizen 'Dan' was trying to get thru to either one of them on their mobiles. Dan is a shit hot guitarist and best mate of drummer Matt. He had heard of the position vacant and was interested in getting into the Barnyard.
Legend has it he decided to try one of the pair one last time on the phone, if neither answered or they were still engaged he was not going to bother. One ring, two rings, three rings, four.....finally Scarlet answered, the story was told & Dan was in the fold. I wonder why he just didn't send a text?
Lizz, Matt, Scarlet & Dan are the new BARNYARD MASTURBATOR. Representing Blackpool, Manchester, Leicester & Leeds, they found getting together for a practice wasn't easy. Still they managed it and picked the bones from the old set and banged down a punker than thou 22 minute set.
July - A short tour was booked with Spanish Oi band 'Von Danikens' & obscenests 'None of Your Fuckin' Business' - This 3 day stint around the Midlands was preceded by a warm up gig at the Gin Club in Manchester.
2 months on from this & the band have played at the 'Rebellion' Festival, Blackpool & then their finest 22 minutes yet the day after @ the Blue Bar venue also in Blackpool.
They are now writing new material, looking to rent a house, learning to become a Doctor, mopping up shit and saving the planet in between practices in Manchester.
2010.....will be a big Masturbating year.
STAY TUNED.