First off, when talking or chatting with a male to female TS (transexual), its very important to know (SHE) listens very carefully to the terms and words you use. Even if you knew HER from before SHE transitioned, it is not polite to refer to (HER) in male terms anymore. It hurts us when people do it. Some people knowingly use it to hurt us so we become a bit sensitive to it. Most people just don't know which terms to use. They want to say the right thing but are not sure what to say. Its always SHE or HER and so on with a male to female TS.

Many men that first chat with or talk to a girl like me make the same mistakes over and over. The worst is thinking they can go right into a conversation about what is in my pants or other very personal things. Many times on-line there is not even a hello first. They start with a question about what is in my pants. For most its not because they are trying to be dirty. It's a HUGE turnoff either way on many levels.

I was at a club call the Queen Marry when I first started going out dressed as a woman. A TG ( transgender ) club. A really great club that had been around since the 60's. A guy walked up to me one night and the first thing out of his mouth was a question. He was very good looking and seemed nice. The question was about what was in my pants and he asked it very bluntly. I asked him if he would ask the same sort of a question to a GG ( genetic girl ) that he just met and liked. He answered "No, of course not, I would probably get slapped and she would hate me". I asked then why did you ask me such a personal question right off, even before saying hello? He said, without a pause, "Its because your not a real woman, that makes you fair game" (his exact words "Fair Game" ) He knew I was upset and he walked away. I sat down and cried pondering my newly found place in society.

Another big mistake made over and over is to say what a turn on a TS is. Being reduced to a fetish by a well meaning but horny guy is awful and degrading. Many, if not most, doing this go right into a gay or bi sexual experience from their past or a list of sexual things they wait to do with a TS in the future. Not thinking for a moment that the TS might not want to be hearing any of it. I get very grossed out every time and upset.

We are seen by many, at first, as some sort of ride in some sick amusement park that they have built with their imagination.

One reason its so easy for some men to lie to us is because we are just a fantasy to them. We don't dress for sexual kicks. To a TS its not a fetish. Dressing as a woman is something we do everyday, before work, school or church. Its not fun and games its just life.

If you chat with a TS just think how a GG would react to your questions or comments. I know not all GG's will answer the same way but most men know that some things just don't fly if you want her to chat back with you.

If you have questions, make a connection with the person first. Chat about the weather or something normal in the beginning. Show us the common respects most people expect to be approached with. If you do get to the questions, everyone does, then ask politely. The wording means a lot. The polite way to ask, what is in HER pants, if there is such a thing as a polite way, is "Are you post-op or per-op?" I think its a rude question altogether personally but many TS's don't.

Post-op means you have had the surgery and pre-op means your still waiting to have it. Pre = before, Post = after. There is a Non-op TS as well, someone that for one reason or another, often medical reasons, can't have the surgery or does not want it. Again its "Are you post-op or pre-op?" Not so hard huh?

People are often surprised how easy it is to meet a TS at a club or on line. If you want to have fun in a very friendly club go to a TG club. We tend to be very open and friendly. With so little social acceptance at times, we tend to be far less judgmental about others. I find many TS's to be highly intelligent and can hold their own end of a conversation very nicely. There are a lot of very spiritual and some religious TS's as well. Many are political and well informed.

I guess in the end what I'm trying to say is its all about respect and thinking your actions and questions through first. For some reason respect and sensitivity seems to be the last thing on the mind of those curious about us. We are so far outside of the box that such normal pleasantries are not applied towards us. We on the other hand become quite sensitive to this disconnected thinking.

Just keep in mind that we are people first and transexuals second.

Sincerely

Eve

Here is some terms.

CD : cross dresser.

TG : transgender.

TS : transexual.

GG : genetic girl.

SRS : sexual reassignment surgery.

GRS : gender reassignment surgery (same thing as SRS just more PC to some)

PC : politically correct.