I love waking up.  I often wonder what would happen if I didn't.  I was outside of my office having a cigarette the other day and one of the grounds-keepers was trimming the hedges around the building.  He was annoyed by this big dragonfly that kept flying around his head.  He took his weed wacker and swung it up in the air at the dragonfly.  It was horribly perfect.  One loud *pop* sound and that bug dissappeared in a shower of it's own parts... he looked at me.   he knew I saw it.  his crooked half toothed smile was comforting enough for me to respond with a head nod and thumbs up.  I thought about that for the rest of the day.  what did that bug think right before it's demise?  did it even realize what happend?  what happens when you no longer exist?  I'd like to think I have plenty of years ahead of me...and can't imagine why anyone would want to die purposefully.  I want to be here.  I am needed for something.   One of these day I might just figure out what that is.  I would say Abigail, but then I think the opposite is true.  I need her.

The older I get the more I think about these things.  I've given myself plenty of time to do so.  Unfortunately people get lost in the shuffle of my time making.  I am selfish.

and this is what I see in the morning.

Yeah... I smoke in bed.  couple of carpet burn holes to prove it also.  I can't tell you that my mornings would be the same without that ritual.   I'll cheat death in this way...for now.    Since we are on the topic of "me" lets start the day.  My bathroom is the first place I visit.  I once knew a woman that would sleep on her bathroom floor when she was drunk with problems... I would rather use it for it's intended purpose.  It was so dramatic to watch her throw her self on the floor in there and play the damaged little girl.  funny thing is, if I pretended not to notice, out she would come with her purple wine stained mouth...furious.   Here is my setup.

On the left are some dried flowers from my old place.  I didn't have much when I left.  so any gift was welcome.  I wasn't welcome.  tis why I left.   Yeah...I still drink beer and smoke...  but no longer walk on eggshells around the manipulative disaster that surpassed my much needed vices at the time. 

Here is my sink!!  (good segway ah?) 

speaking of damage... check just behind my panasonic.  the rain came into the walls and made bubbles in it last year.  the landlord will not fix it until I move out.  Oh and my soap from "curio-a-go-go" up the street.  I loved that place.  They moved to a proper space and it just isn't the same.   I got this there also...  anyone up for the challenge?

Today is so dark and dreary I can't even tell you with words...  I can only tell you that when I was 8 years old I would ride my little huffy bike around the neighborhood and no one would be around.  I would perch myself on the corner where the hoods hung out to smoke cigarettes and beat up kids like me... anything was better than nothing.  But even they were at home eating dinner. I would sit on my bike near "the path" which was the scary little alley that led you to Sherwood Middle School. My school.  That alley would be active with fights, pot and cigarette smoking, and the sounds of the "Sugar Hill Gang" the next morning when the busses dropped the kids off Monday.   I would sit there wondering about the same things I do now.  the girls I knew, the future and my thoughts on everything .  I can almost hear my grandmother shattering my daydreams of adventure and fortune when she would step out of our house and call for me "Caaaaassssey....Dinnnner".  I can still smell the damp fall in that beat up old neighborhood.  I can also taste my dinner.  canned peas and potatoes, roast beef and boiled carrots.  the big ones. 

I was going to go out to my old hood to take pictures for this.  but changed my mind.  It's become quite the dangerous area of town.  I still might...but not today.  If you play with "google earth" check this...

1512 Country Club Rd. Columbus, Oh. 43227

Since we are on about nothing today, I might as well give you my kitchen...

 Yep... the pot holders need to be replaced.  I think they double as cooking napkins.  Abigail and I got those baby pumpkins the other day.  It's Halloween!!   I strung the rope lights up under the cabinets when I first moved in here well over 3 years ago.  this is what they look like when the lights are off...  I'm fairly proud of what I've done to this place over the past few years.  With not much money at that.  It will be hard to leave here someday.

I'm really not sure where to go from here.  I have plenty of pictures to share so yeah.... you get a shower picture of casey.  I had to take down the original and now infamous "other" shower picture due to the fact that some people outside of myspace know me and could view this and would have a laugh riot at what I posted.   It's all just fun folks, and I actually think I looked pretty good in that pic!!    

can you say "gag reflex"???

 As a matter of fact, if you want to see some nip then the picture below will have to hold you over.  I wasn't going to post this for fear that I might be percieved as some sort of  new age screwball...  plenty of those people around.  The older men are the ones that creep me out the most... for some reason they are usually photographers (here I go again). that hang out in the holistic world.  My mother worked at Beechwold Natural Clinic here in town (Clintonville) for years and years doing kelation treatments so I am well aware of that element.  Anyway, the little card was something she gave me when I first moved into this place... It really is kind of nice.  so it stays.  

No... I am not buddist.  Just liked the little trinket. 

ya know what?... I forgot to add the new "phone team" picture.  I got both of these last week.  My land line is panasonic and my new cell is supposed to be the top end in video phones.  Ahhh... and the book.  I read this over and over as a kid.  It truly reminds me of myself and Abigail.    If you look closely throughout my blogs, or visit my shoebox place sometime, you'll notice my brand of choice for electronics is panasonic.  For cars it is Mazda (have had 4 of them now).  

I hope you feel at home. 

much love...

casey.