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Pat Mastelotto



Last Updated: 11/17/2009

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Status: Single
City: Dripping Springs
State: Texas
Country: US
Signup Date: 2/14/2006
Tuesday, May 05, 2009 
 
Advice for the young(er) musician. 
I m often asked that question and give a reply I heard years ago from my friend Robert Fripp. . ‘Never fly Air Iberia’. After a short chuckle the interviewer repeats the question and I give the same reply with a somewhat more serious look, just as Robert did the first time I heard him use the reply. Sometimes we have to repeat it a few more times until the journalist realizes it is in fact a serious answer. 
I was reminded of this yesterday when we flew Air Iberia, from Madrid to Budapest. After an extremely long day driving from Portugal to Madrid and a very late sound check (due to local promoters pickup van getting in accident and then arriving at the venue to find they didn’t have proper 110 power specified on our rider) we played to an extremely nice Spanish crowd that seemed to all be chain smoking, cough cough, we left the club about 2am . Well we tried to leave. . – The cab that had Tony and I and our bags in had parked half on the curb as they often do on smaller euro streets and when he started to leave we heard the vicious sounds of him bottoming out and getting stuck with wheel(s) off the ground. . Tony and I get out to save weight and help lift the car and eventually get back to hotel for a few hrs sleep before out 6am wake up to get to Madrid airport. We are arriving early because we expect some delays with our overweight baggage, but today is going to be special . . .It starts as we offer the check in lady our Frequent Flyer cards, since our moocho mileage gold and silver elite status with most of the airlines often gets us a little extra baggage allowance.. . . However she replied, in a somewhat Soviet way, “these are meaningless”,. . mmmm. . .next as she tells us our overweight will be several hundred euros and is unwilling to negotiate at all , we try to repack and get more into our small carry on, in fact we didn’t even all have carry ons !. . But she doesn’t like that. . So next she sends us to another location to put every bag across scales. . At this point Tony suggested since there is not a stipulated amount of weight for our ‘person’ we could start stuffing our pockets with fuzz tones and compressors and draping our selves with cables ( . . cables really add up and can be extremely heavy so on most euro trips I ‘rent’ cables at each show. . but since this is 26 shows we have been taking some smaller items like cables). Next we return, but to the end of the line. . And accept our 10-euro per kilo overweight fee – ouch- - I understand the airlines are in trouble and need to raise prices but this does seem like gouging to me ( am I nuts?). 
After clearing security and getting to our gate (its getting close to boarding time) we realize, despite our confirmed seat request, she has put us in middle seats. . I also notice she never even bothered to enter ANY of the FF information. . So I approach the gate desk to inquire, but the employee refuses to look up or acknowledge me (or any one else in the line forming behind me)- - as I stand and holding my information so he could see in a quick glance I eventually interrupt him (he doesn’t seem to be ‘doing anything’ just looking down refusing to make any eye contact and acting like he cant hear. but when he does respond he says ‘no , your to late!’, he doesn’t care as I explain I was here almost two hrs ago, . . .same story with the seats, despite the flight not even being full we cannot have a change of seating assignments. OK. We board and after a few minutes Michael, who’s Birthday is today on this very flight, is one of the last to board explaining how that same lady appeared at the final check in and need a receipt from him. . What? He has no idea. . In fact neither do anyone of us or I recall being asked for the original credit card reciepts. . Especially in these days of Etickets. . As I adjust my seatbelt I open the in-flight airline magazine and first page I turn to has a full page photo of us Stickmen! In our Charlie’s Angles pose (or what I just call the ‘smell the pit’ pic) with a story of our gig promoting our talents that they seem to be very proud of . . .WTF? Why didn’t we have this mag a few hrs ago! I even wonder who the hell gave them permission to even use my photo?? As I look up I see our check in girl has boarded the plane and is walking directly to us, with a small smirk saying something like ‘so do you musicians have your receipts ? Luckily our road manager Frazza does and begins digging them out, while I hold up the magazine. She recognizes we are the same three dudes in their mag! She beams a smile and asks me to pass it to have a closer look, then while rummaging in her pocket for a pen to have us autograph ( I assume), I ask for it back. . She looks surprised as I say ‘I’d like to take that home to my mother’ . . . as she leaves as the 6 VERY loud men behind us are singing and shouting in drunk foreign voices while I keep thinking there might be an adjustment or change in seat assignments s coming our way. . .but no. . This is Air Iberia. 
 Ok enough of my venting- - In case you crave more ‘musical’ suggestions on advice to the young(er) musicians --- I’ll add a few less sarcastic things. 

1) Learn languages. . Its a huge asset . . .Tony Levin's Italian, Trey Gunn's Spanish, Paul Gilbert's Japanese, Bill Buford’s French have all gotten us out of various jams. You will be the hero of a tour when you can read the menue, find the venue, toilet, etc 
1B) learn to make good coffee. . .your buddies will appreciate this too.

2)- practice and play often, and whenever possible find musicians better than your self to play with. take every audition and don't worry about the money, just play! 
2B) Take every gig , even the crap ones. . Its remarkable the way musicians move up and down the food chain and in my experience work has always come from word of mouth . 

3)- get a metronome, and use it, -- and then don’t use it! Really. Try programming a few bars (loops or click or whatever) and then leave a few bars of silence and see if you can keep time without the metronome being your crutch. 
3B)- anything you think you can play easily try to slow down or speed up, or play at half or double the volume . . . that comfortable easy shit suddenly becomes VERY hard.

go here

Svetlan Råket

 
Very funny story and great advice!

Thanks for sharing.

Greets from Sweden!
/Svetlan
 
 
Posted by Svetlan Råket on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 12:28 PM
[Reply to this
Edi

 
Bruf agrees with you on Air Iberia in his AutoBio...

 
 
Posted by Edi on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:49 PM
[Reply to this
Lutz Stahlhofen

 
I really hope that you find the rest uf us Europeans more polite and more willing to help then these airline employees. Can..t wait to see you next week in Aschaffenburg.

Greets

Lutz
 
 
Posted by Lutz Stahlhofen on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:49 PM
[Reply to this
gerry griffin

 
Thanks Pat!

cheers, gerry
 
 
Posted by gerry griffin on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:49 PM
[Reply to this
TIM WESTON

 
Nightmare story Pat. Thanks for the "memories" !

Best,
Tim
 
 
Posted by TIM WESTON on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:49 PM
[Reply to this
Bobrovsky

 
Thank you for advices!
 
 
Posted by Bobrovsky on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:49 PM
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Alessandro Arcuri

 
Hi Pat! What a nightmare!
Oh and great musical advices, too... I concur with each and every one. I could also add something to 3B) such as "try to play very softly (in volume) a very fast passage, or play very loud a slow, nice melodic one" (the last one may apply more to guitarists, bassist, etc... but you get my point)
The contrast between quiet and damn fast or between loud and slow is trickier than one might think! Not difficult, but it makes you really pay attention to what you're doing! ;-)
 
 
Posted by Alessandro Arcuri on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:50 PM
[Reply to this
Kelvin Hayes

 
That's lucky, I nearly booked a flight to Spain with said airline!
 
 
Posted by Kelvin Hayes on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:50 PM
[Reply to this
Kelvin Hayes

 
That's lucky, I neearly booked a flight to Spain with said airline!
 
 
Posted by Kelvin Hayes on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:50 PM
[Reply to this
Kandy Pipkin

 
Hysterical! I mean, not for you guys, natch, but for the folks at home. Here's hoping for no more road-related debacles...
 
 
Posted by Kandy Pipkin on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:50 PM
[Reply to this
reid stevens

 
Sorry to hear about all of the crazee interactions with the airline, P@.
Glad you made it back without having to give away blood or something.

Thanks for the info, too.

R:)
 
 
Posted by reid stevens on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:50 PM
[Reply to this
Stick Men

 
She was the devil...if you guys had rigged a cake for her to pop out of for my birthday, I would have gladly cut a huge slice first....lets call her "Satania" from now on...cool?
 
 
Posted by Stick Men on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 10:50 PM
[Reply to this
Bryan Meyers

 
Thanks for the travelog and the sage advice. This is cracking me up! We need Stickmen to come to Indianapolis! Let me know if you need help bring the show here.
 
 
Posted by Bryan Meyers on Tuesday, May 05, 2009 - 11:30 PM
[Reply to this
Jeffrey Collins
Jeffrey Collins

 
So did you ever find out if you got paid for being in their magazine when you didn't even know about it? They should have sent each of you a dozen copies to give to friends and family. That's pretty messed up.
 
 
Posted by Jeffrey Collins on Wednesday, May 06, 2009 - 8:42 AM
[Reply to this
Unknown Fan

 
Poor Pat!

She is not a soviet. You were in Madrid, a spanish city whit a long traditiont of civil employees. This personel belongs to one old chaste, as old one as the their chair.

See you in Marseille !


Joan , from Barcelona - Catalonia

 
 
Posted by Unknown Fan on Wednesday, May 06, 2009 - 9:30 PM
[Reply to this
Edi

 
LOLOLOL Sorry for yet another comment: I'm probably the last one to realize this blog entry was posted on the very Cinqo de Mayo. What an irony!

 
 
Posted by Edi on Wednesday, May 06, 2009 - 9:30 PM
[Reply to this
Per Nordin

 
Not fun when you are experiencing it, but it makes a good story.
Great advice, all of them.
1B) Should be mandatory part of any musical high-school or university education.
Id like to add 1C) Learn to have a positive attitude however tired you are. Or at least learn to walk away from a potential outburst of frustration. This is something that was wonderful with sharing bus with you: you were always pleasant to be with, however tired you where and _that_ counts a lot on the road, when sharing a cramped space and tight schedule. And I really admire the time and attention you always had for your fans, sharing anecdotes and looking at photos of their kids and always with a honest friendly smile.
As for 3B) Id like to add: turn on the radio while you play so you have conflicting chords and tempi in your ears while you try to play and keep on track with what your supposed to play. Trying to stay on focus on playing right and tight, while other conflicting music, talk and jingles is going on at the same time (especially if you have the music you ARE playing to at a lower volume than the conflicting shit from the radio), really forces you to get your chops into your bones. This is also a great tip for those who are aiming at playing Charles Ives, whos music is often composed that way. :) Some parts of Ives' orchestral music is composed as several smaller ensembles playing each their own piece at the same time in the same room, in their own key and time signature.
Another tip I can add to your wonderful 3B), one thing I sometimes do when working in a pure MIDI sequencer environment, is I drastically change the BPM just before hitting the record button... say the piece is is 80 BPM and when I am about to record the next track, I change to BPM to maybe 240 just before starting the count-in, to force myself to play things without thinking. If I screw up (which I always do) I change the BPM again before doing another take, so I have no chance of getting my mind straight. Or bring down the tempo to 4 BPM so the music is sooooo slow, I get lost in where in the piece I am, losing all concept of harmonic or melodic or metric structure... hold a tone for 20 seconds, then next for maybe 35 seconds or up to a minute, then next... "I have no idea where I am metrically, but Im so bored holding this tone now, so I will just play another tone now" is what in the end decides for me when to change tone and to which tone to change. :D
Lots of great lines have come out of that.
A fair amount of crap too. :D
I dont do it as a musician to practice playing, but as a compositional aid, to force myself to find lines and phrases I would never have come up with if I just played normal. When the tempo is drastically higher, you dont have time to think, just to try to keep up with whats happening, and when the tempo is that drastically slower, you lose all orientation as to where you are in the piece.

Anyhow, thanks for the update and advice! Always nice to hear what your up to! :)
Kram på dig, bror!
 
Posted by Per Nordin on Saturday, May 09, 2009 - 1:57 PM
[Reply to this
GLP Woodwork's, Australia
Gary Peterson.

 

Shit!

Ya got more patience than me Pat.......I think I might have said a few choice words to this check in chick, like...... "FUCK OFF"

cheers

Gary
 
Posted by GLP Woodwork's, Australia on Sunday, May 10, 2009 - 4:15 PM
[Reply to this
Bryan L

 
Woh! Thankfully you didn't get stuck in Groundhog day and have to re-live that over and over :)

Sagely advice from the source is the BEST! I've practiced all but 1A and regret my lack of language skills on a weekly basis.

 
Posted by Bryan L on Thursday, May 21, 2009 - 8:04 PM
[Reply to this
J. Cabronías

 
I was in THAT Spanish gig and, wow! I din't espect you to be so fucking good men! I mean, I heard the CD, but that energy was amazing!

I'm the beginner drummer with small hands and mexican friends (if the case you remember)

Every country has "it's thing" and we have the worst organization and even workers....in the end, the only thing you can do is laugh at it.

Thanks a lot for coming play for us and hope you return soon (with a non Spanish airline).

Wish you the best.

Great advices by the way.

 
Posted by J. Cabronías on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 2:43 AM
[Reply to this
Moser Woods

 
Great road (air?) story.  Thanks for the good advice!

Rick Kinney
Moser Woods

 
Posted by Moser Woods on Monday, November 16, 2009 - 2:35 PM
[Reply to this