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Category: Life
Hey there people! While having a discussion recently with my boy Oskie it dawned on me that there are some things in life so retarded, so misguided, so...ri-fucking-diculous that i just can’t let them be. I know that my bullshit commentary doesn’t necessarily bring anything "worthwhile" to the vast pool of knowledge that we call the internet, but some things i just can’t ignore, no matter how mundane or obscure. Before I get into todays piece of alcohol fueled ranting allow me to pose a scenario....
Let’s say that you’re a crack dealer. For all intents and purposes I’m sure that you’re not but just walk with me on this one. So you make a living selling rocks, right? Now I’m not the brightest candle on the cake and I make no mistake in assuming that I am, but I would figure that one of the most damaging threats to your business would be junkies who would rather have your product without paying for it.
That’s just a fool-proof rule of thumb right there; Junkies and friendship just don’t mix. That would be like the people working at ’Gamestop’ asking me to watch the store while they went and grabbed lunch. By the time they got back that bitch would just be ’Stop’. In that case the blame would fall squarely on the shoulders of the Gamestop employees. I have a video game habit and they know it, which is why I’m not on a first name basis with them. They know if they get too familiar or friendly then I’ll be in there trying to sell them used car batteries in exchange for the latest Mario game. In essence, they’ve exhibited good business sense by keeping business business and separating friendship from the all mighty dollar. As a theoretical crack dealer surely you can understand this line of thinking, correct? Then how do you explain this?
what the fuck dude?!?
How does this even happen? His fucking name is The Hamburglar...HE STEALS YOUR FUCKING BURGERS! At what point did Ronald see this burger-junkie and decide that he was a welcome addition to the Mcdonaldland family? Did he not notice the full prison-stripe outfit? I’m not a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, but if a muthafucka showed up at my door in full on prison gear I’d hardly assume it was from the Ralph Lauren spring line.
If by chance he didn’t notice the "I did it" clothes he probably should have been tipped off by the mask. A mask. A mask ON A GUY NAMED THE HAMBURGLAR!!! YOU SELL HAMBURGERS FOR A LIVING YOU RETARDED FUCKING IDIOT, WHY ARE YOU HANGING WITH A FUCKING JUNKIE? The sheer absurdity of it all is enough to melt my brain and cause me to keel over and die face first on my keyboard. If I end this blog entry with, "fjjkls;dF;;;;;hdfasd;;;;;;;;;sdh" you’ll know what happened.
Just in case you still aren’t understanding me just take another look:
I don’t know his sexuality but if ever there was a muthafucka that would suck your dick for a double cheeseburger I’m willing to bet a beer that it’d be him. And folks, i don’t play around when it comes to beer. He even has hamburgers on his tie for crying out loud! He doesn’t even hide it. That’s like asking Kobe to come and hang out with you and your white girl while he has a "Blondes Do It Better" shirt on. You’d have to be smoking crack and eating the ashes to not see this coming a mile away...
*sigh*
I rest my fucking case. night.
J@YP@H!
1:03 AM
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