Nails In order to maintain a professional appearance, all fingernails and toenails must be groomed and cleaned on a regular basis. While fads are cyclical, such as the "coke nail" of the 1980's, they are seldom long lasting and often lead to embarrassing situations. Owning a coke nail, or a soiled unkempt nail on any finger, is the cause of many uncomfortable moments.
A few examples include:
- When making a valiant attempt at humor, you recite the famous "one million dollars" quote from the original Austin Powers movie with a coke nail placed against your lips. Laughter will quickly dim as all eyes and thoughts will focus on the elongated nail.
- Scratching a person as you meet them for the first time by simply shaking hands. A scratch that spills blood can ruin any business deal.
- A victim's skin under your nail is sure to alert the authorities that you are a prime suspect. The most forgotten tool in a criminal's handbag is a set of nail clippers.
- Pointing to a critical section of a document only to be forced to ad-lib "As you can see I worked on the car this weekend and fingers got a little dirty, anyway....". This excuse is seldom believed and calls into question your overall hygiene and trustworthiness.
Awkward moments such as these have taken place millions of times over thousands of years. One famous example of the negative effects of poor nail care, is when John Adams was selected after Ben Franklin in a NFL style draft. Adams had the physical build and youth to overtake the aging, slow footed Franklin. The difference was the fudgy nails and the fact that when he mentioned he was working on his car over the weekend everyone knew he was lying. The following is an effective approach towards maintaining well-groomed nails that are sure to please your friends, coworkers, lovers, and yourself.
- Cut nails on a regular basis. Every two weeks is a good base to start with. Depending on your nail metabolism, you may want to increase or decrease the time in between grooming to maintain that fresh appearance.
- Cut your nails in the shower. While cutting them outside on the lawn does provide valuable nutrients to the soil, the shower has a few advantages. First the nail is simply washed away with all of other micro debris and odors that your body has accumulated throughout the day. Secondly, you are able to immediately wash the undernail and therefore wash it more effectively. This benefit should be emphasized, as the grunge under the nail is soft and moist for only 11-19 minutes, depending on your regional climate, body circulation, and cholesterol levels. Lastly, after you cut your nails you can lather your body and hair, as you would normally do, with the extra benefit of a professional nail cleaning.
- Leave an extra nail clipper at your work or in your car. Occasionally, you will notice a nail that has outgrown the others and needs to be cut immediately. Holding off on the cutting will likely lead to forgetting the rogue nail which ultimately leads to an embarrassing situation. Little is known why nails have irregular growth spurts but they do. Don't fool yourself into thinking that it won't happen to you.
Everyone has a clipping biorhythm. The clipping biorhythm, is the internal clock that triggers your brain that it's time to look at your nails. More often than not, you will be surprised at how fast they grew, although you can't really recall with any acceptable level of accuracy when the last clipping was. Remember that nails are the like clean forks at a dinner party, nobody notices them unless they get a filthy one, and hopefully, like a dirty nail, they haven't yet put it in their mouth.