What if we were to build ourselves an empire and do meaningful things with it? What is it even like to feel ourselves as fully in control of our own destinies? Ashamedly I admit that life leaves me feeling sometimes captive to its purpose and reason, which is far greater than even my own aspirations and attempts. My steps seem to undermine the size, weight, and pace of my own footsteps. I suppose, life is just that. I have my game piece...the game has begun...and either way, i'm ready to move forward/backward, although deciding and placing each piece hasn't been easy. Evidently, even despite our decisions, there are always other outcomes...
These days I visualize myself pushing this wagon full of ideas. Quite frankly, it actually resembles a beat-up hummer with a broken mirror (that actually says objects in mirror are farther than they appear). Rather than running on gas, it appears as though I'm still pushing it. What keeps me going and the sweat dripping? The notion of one day riding it, and pulling along an insanely long thread of wagons latched onto others, and they're stretched so far, the thread of wagons seamlessly disappears into the distant landscape. It's like the wild, wild west again, as we attempt pioneering new ground. I can feel how the warmth of that sun would be, the reflection of that light caught in my eyelashes, and that mission of a path that i've anticipated for so long, will be so familiar I can do it with my eyes closed and taste it with every bud in my mouth. My motivation seeks that moment when it all comes together, it keeps me trekking, and is that reminder of exactly why I am here. I pushed that car, and it kept going. I planted those seeds, and they did manage to bear fruit. I taught that child how to love, and he/she later loved many others. If...then... there's this complicated and very delicate balance of cause and effect, truth and consequence, and it makes of everyday, and every decision, soooo much to think about.
Somehow looking back is sometimes lovelier than looking ahead to a road unknown. At other times, it's better the other way around. Then again, I have moments like these, as the bandwagon. And I'm looking ahead- and all around for a band of super troopers, an army that's interested in bettering things around us- everything from wanting to make the world a kinder place, making a difference, to those who are here simply to make sure our t's are crossed, and our shoelaces tied, just so we don't trip and fall. If we're going to spend so much time doing things, why not do it full force, and with everything that we can? Why not squeeze every ounce of goodness and hope out it, and make sure that after wringing out all the sweat and possible hard work from that towel, we've created an explosion of music, color, and inspiration...and ultimately such a fuss, that people can't help but notice, and catch on. What if...
Between the passing days i no longer ask why it is that i'm here, but I do ask and wonder how much longer i'll have to proceed, before those dreams will at least be within inches of reach. My guess is that only time will truly tell, but at the end of every night, I do have to thank the moon and stars- that at very least, I no longer question this journey with a "why", and am more than eager to defend with an answering " why not"?!?