Yes, I'm alive. Rejoice ye faithful.

Not sure why, but I decided maybe I would post up a blog tonight. It's been forever since I've posted one, and I felt like doing a little writing. Plus, I just enjoy feeling as if people are waiting with baited breath to read my words. :)

We'll make this part quick - Still work for the Reds. It's going well. Team sucks, but hey, how about Josh Hamilton? Re-upped for another year in Mainstrasse at good old 708 Willard. Zola is my second home. Parents are doing well. Yes, all of them. Haven't found a girl. No, not looking. Yes, I know I'll find "the one" someday.

Alright, on to important stuff - like The Shield. Yeah, I realize no one in my immediate vicinity (except for my boy Dann) gives a rat's about the show, but I want to discuss the big storyline going on and how dynamic I think it is. Briefly, the main group during the show's run has been an anti-gang unit called the Strike Team, led by Vic Mackey. Shane Vendrell has always been sort of second in command and Vic's best friend and then Curtis "Lem" Lemansky and Ronnie Gardocki were the other two. VERY close-knit group of guys who resided permanently in the grey area of protecting the streets and getting a little extra on the side as well.

Anyway, because this group has committed some misdeeds in the past, Lem faced charges last season for drug possession as a result of one of these actions. Toward the end of the season, he went on the run and the Strike Team was made to believe - falsely - that Lem was going to give the rest of the crew up to Internal Affairs. So in the season finale, Shane met with Lem alone and ended up killing him with a grenade without anyone else knowing.

Now, one thing you have to understand is there was a precedent Vic set. In the series' very first episode, Vic (with Shane by his side) kills another officer (Terry Crowley) who was working as a mole to rat out the Strike Team. In their eyes, he was a threat to their lives, to their families, so he had to go. With Lem, Shane felt it was the same. Even if it was Lem, he still presented a threat to their lives and their families. So what's the difference? The thing is, Vic didn't see it that way, which some would immediately say is hypocritical. And I'm not so sure I disagree with that. If Terry had to die, then Lem had to die too right? Shane was just following Vic's lead, right? After all, they've made a life out of bending the law, working on the side for their own gain, deceiving their bosses, and generally not following the line exactly.

However, I see it in this sense. Vic still has his limits. He still has boundaries. He still maintains a level of control in what he will and won't do. And I think that shows a great strength of character. Meanwhile, Shane's psyche is just too weak to handle this path. Watching the show from the first season all the way to the current sixth season, we've seen Shane spiral to the edge. And in that sense, it's both his fault and Vic's for bringing him down this path when it's not something he can handle. Yes, Shane can be cold-blooded and calculated at times, but the way his emotions stretch from bravado to total desperation and helplessness at times, he just can't deal with the situations that arise out of it. I look at Shane as the Vince Russo to Vic's Vince McMahon. As long as Shane is under Vic's umbrella and has some order and some constraints, he works fine. But as soon as he separates from Vic and feels autonomy, he self-destructs.

Hopefully you've stayed with me long enough, because I do have a personal angle on this. You see, I've been doing some thinking on my own about myself and it somewhat relates to this. I've been trying to figure out just how strong I am as a person. Just how self-sustaining am I. I think I have a certain level of neediness at times, but I don't think that speaks to me being a weaker person. I do need and want people around, but would I collapse if the proverbial rug was swept out from under my feet or I started somewhere anew? I don't know. I'm not really sure I want to find out really. But I would like to think that in some ways I am a bit like Vic, a bit of a rock who provides a bit of shelter and guidance and can keep people close to me calm through times. Certainly I can be emotional, but I don't think that should necessarily be mistaken as weakness. Needy, yes. But weak? I'm not sure about that. Maybe a good way to put it is that I can survive in the dark, but I sure would like to know that when I reach out, I can feel a wall or a bed or a hand to show we have security.

Or maybe I'm just melancholy. Who is John Galt?