Sorry I haven't written in a while, I've spent the last 120 days on the Bering Sea, which was the opposite of awesome.  Work, eat, sleep, it's a lot like prison.  I guess.  There isn't a whole lot of sodomy going on, that I know of.  Anyways I have to save up all my homoerotic tendencies for vacation.  I've heard that in Key West, butthole is the new vagina, so you know how I like to be head of the class when it come to the newest trends.  Speaking of which, I invented a new workout program that I call Stretchercize.  It's perfect for people living on a boat or people who are just really lazy.  I used the strenuous program for about a week but I was tired of being sore so I changed to my new new workout program called "who gives a SHIT!"  It's working wonders for my abs.  I've also been reading a lot to give the ol' brain a workout.  This last book I've been reading is a real book-marker, some people count sheep and others read Mariko Bando Books.  I mean, I highly respect Japanese culture and everything, DNA hunters is my favorite, but why some books get published is lunacy.  I just found out the masseur also gives a great back rub, hmm.  So while the fisherman are processing fish in the factory they just whip it out and piss on the floor whenever they need to relieve themselves.  But the crazy thing is whenever I went to the bathroom down there everyone looked at me really weird.  It must of been because I didn't wipe, but who has time for that.  I'm really getting tired of the ocean.  I think a land job is more my popcicle.  I know I'm quilified to give plasma.  The hours are great and the work is minimal, I'm just a little worried about references.  Biotech went out of business and my mom still wants me to apply to the prison.  I've got to figure something out though, I mean, I'm not cut out to work for a living.  I'm afraid at this rate I'll be dead in 50 or 60 years.  How awesome is Randy Newman?  Do you think he talks in the same voice or just sings that way?  It's almost like a speech impediment.  So who is excited about Josh Pirtles wedding?  Anyone?  No?  You forgot all about it because the bachleor party is all you can think about.  True, it will be hepatitis contagious, which is pretty contagious, so I've heard, from one of my ex-co-workers at Biotech.  I seen a statistic the other day that said 50% of all traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers, so the way I figure it's just as dagerous to drive sober.  Sober drivers are too tense and more likely to lock up when a quick off road donut maneuver needs to be made.  I mean, you know how when you're super drunk and you're driving, you're able to multi-task so much easier and after you find the right CD and hang up with your ex-girlfriend of three years, who is tired of giving you excuse after excuse of why things arn't going to work out, even though you have so much in common, one of which is herpes, which would make sense to keep our genital diseases contained sense you can't get it twice, you can totally give your undivided attention to finding a spitter in the back seat.  I'm not condoning drinking and driving but I'm not opposite of condoning it either.  How else are you supposed to blackout if you run out of beer, ABC is only 10 minutes away and you know most of the cops, it's likely you've had a crazy night with these guys pre-academy involving dodging police in the cover of corn and bean fields in, let's say Paxton, IN.  I mean that's just a hypothetical example but it probably makes sense to only one other person in the world.  So It's time to talk about the love life.  Last time I was in Bloomington, I had a quick glance with a f-ing hottie at the bar.  I never did get the chance to talk to her due to one or more of the following reasons: a. I'm a loser.  b. I was ass-clowned.  c. she is a lesbian.  I found out the latter from a friend who is no stranger to the Bloomington bar scene and also told me her name.  Emma!  I think I'm in love.  She's not on myspace though, or facebook or IU friend finder and I wasn't able to get any usable links from any of the major search engines.  I'm beginning to think it's not in the stars and I'm just a victim of the time.  I don't believe in homo or hetero or bi, I just believe in two souls, in love, together using whatever two genetialia god gave them to express their love.  Emma, all I want is a chance to impress you. And then all I need is you sympathy, pity and understanding that no one is perfect, except you.  I'm so alone.