I love to travel, probably because I don't do it very often.  (Come to think of it, this may also be the reason I love sex...  but I digress...)  When you fly, do you like to read on the plane?  Well, you know the guy that sits next to you and chatters away at you for the entire flight like you're a court stenographer and he's been asked to give a deposition on his entire life?  You know, the guy who was apparently raised to believe that being shown the back cover of "In Flight" magazine is an invitation to kvetch?  The one with a genetic defect that causes him to mistake a look of bored indifference with one of extreme interest?  That's me. 

I talk too much.  Seriously  I have never had an unexpressed thought.  I have no secrets.  My life isn't merely an open book, it's a book on tape.  If your life were a movie poster, mine would be an electronic sandwich-board I wear draped over my shoulders everywhere I go.  (You know... the big white poster-things you used to see in movies that read things like "Eat at Joe's."  Only mine tells you in painful detail about the last time I ate at Joe's; what I had, who was there, what I said to them while they were eating...) 

And while I'm talking too much about talking too much, let me tell you something you may not know about people who talk too much; despite all logic, all reason, and all evidence to the contrary, we actually know we talk too much.  Seriously!  We're not stupid.  (Or at least those of us who aren't sportscasters aren't stupid.)  The signs are there, and we do see them. 

When we grab a bite with a group of friends, we're always the last one to finish our meal, no matter what we ordered.  I will take longer to finish a cup of espresso than you will need to chase a dozen donuts with a no-whip Venti skim mocha latte.  And people, if you know someone like me don't let them get away with this "I've always been a slow eater" crap.  We don't "eat slow" we're just lousy at multitasking. 

Of course, the more interesting question than "why do overtalkers talk so damn much?" is "why do people let them?"  And the answer to that is simple; y'all are too damn polite.  You're like the battered wife who keeps telling herself, "maybe he'll stop now."  Sorry, the sad reality is that we can't stop.  Overtalking is a compulsion over which we have no control; much like gambling or watching Desperate Housewives.  We know we shouldn't, but we just can't help ourselves. 

We're not bad people, really.  We just need to be understood... at length.  So, the next time a friend or acquaintance is bloviating about this or that pet peeve or pet theory or just yammering on about her pets, just try to smile and think of something happy, like a flock of ravens pecking her eyes out.  (There now, isn't that better?)