Well after the chaotic adventure of Friday this weekend is pretty lame. One side effect of not drinking, partying or eating, which pretty much elimnates 99.9% of my social life is that I am forced to be productive.

I cleaned my room which ended up in me finding my lost shoe, an earing, a pair of boxer briefs (not mine), $2.37 in loose change, and three empty condom wrappers (I'm assuming they went along with the boxer briefs in question).

Afterwards I dropped off my laundry, and no I don't do my own laundry I drop it off. It's only a five dollar difference and if you think I'm going to sit in a laundromat in spanish harlem fighting over who was at the dryer first with some robust black women three times my size your outta your mind.

Afterwards I went to the gym! All part of my master cleanse and I think I was lifting weight next to Charlie Sheen the entire time! Next on my list of productivity I deciced to get a hair cut. I've been in NY for over a year and haven't found my messiah hair salon yet. A very upsetting thing I know so I try out different salons hoping to find the one that's just right. This time I'll try a salon next to my friend's apartment in HK.

Let's just say HORRIBLE MISTAKE!! AWFUL! My hairstylist ended up being this puerto rican who was ridiculously overly FLAMBOYANT - to the point where he makes Carson Kressley look like Hulk Hogan. Who while he was cutting my hair kept looking away to gab with his friends in spanish. I got so fed up that I yelled - "HEY MUCHO WATCH THE HAIRO!"

In the end he turned my chair around so i could see my new dew in the mirror to discover HE BUTCHERED MY HAIR!! BUTCHERED IT! Not only did he completely cut it too short and al the style out of my hair but he left the sides puffy and long. So my head somewhat resembled the tip of a penis! And then he proceeded to gloop on by the handful some cheap blue LA STYLES 99 cent hair gel on my scalp. So now my penis head has blue goop dribbling from the top!

I called friends to cry and ask for support in my time of need. Freddy said it didn't look so bad and that at least it covered my receding hair line! I internally SHRIEKED inside my mind and at that point I contemplated taking the fork prong hanging in the kitchen and jabbing it in his eyes. I called my friend Nick who with his monotone voice and lack of conversation obviously wasn't interested in my distress but continued to ask me what would be the best bars for him and his friends to go and get wasted tonight. Hmm. FUCK YOU NICK!

I've resided to wearing a hat for the rest of the weekend until I can find a competent NON ETHNIC hair salon that I can go to get my dick head fixed. I'm open to suggestions...

(p.s. I've included a picture below..PLEASE HELP!)



and now it's off to the gym again and then ushering..my closing thoughts.

ALL SPANISH PEOPLE SHOULD BE ROUNDED UP AND DROPPED FROM A PLANE BACK TO MEXICO WHERE THEY CAME FROM...

oh...

THE MASTER CLEANSE!