HELLO EVERYONE!
I know..I know these days are late. I've continuously received comments, messages, emails and singing telegrams asking me for new updates! And I appreciate and thank all of you for your interest and support. The reason I have not posted new blogs is NOT because I cracked as so many of you assumed and accused me of. It's nice to see what you all really think of me. Although who am I kidding I never would have believed me either!
The reason there have been no new blogs is because NOOOOTTTHHHHIINNGGG....has been happening in my life. NOTHING! That's right when you go on the cleanse your life DIES. For the last three days I have woken up, gone to work, drank my ass water, gone to the gym and gone home! So incredibly exciting right. Some of the nights I watched porn (**thank you Jamie for the free account name and password - and yes I did enjoy the clip from HOT PIG DADDY BAREBACKING BOY CUB) which I used to entertain myself (If you know what I mean) but sadly I think even my hand has lost interest in me.
Also all my previous attempts this week to entertain myself have been futile, I'm assuming because the lack of food in my body, its preventing me from being able to reach the climax of my activity. Leaving me feeling the same way I did 6 years ago when I couldn't get it up for my high school girlfriend - confused, embarrassed and a little bit scared.
Although I did continue to get a constant stream of text messages from my friends and roommate informing me of their adventures bar hopping. As if this wasn't enough it continued and I received messages informing me that they had coincidentally bumped into each other at the same bar and how funny is that and they celebrated their serendipity by toasting shots! God I hate my friends.
Tomorrow is the 10th day. God how time flies when you emaciate yourself. You're wild rollercoaster of emotions. The uncontrollable bowel movements that puts you in a constant state of panic that you might not make it to the bathroom in time. And the constant feeling of nausea mixed with pain you feel as your stomach convulses in on itself while your body tries its last resort to feed off any fat cells feebly floating around before finally resorting to breaking down your muscles as its only source of nourishment. Leaving you with an outward resemblance to Skeletor. This I imagine is what the Olsen twins must feel like every day.
My short flight into the world of Hollywood woman stops tomorrow. I eagerly look forward to introducing my stomach to solid foods. Starting of slow with broths and soups and eventually graduating my way up to crackers and croissants by lunch. My goal is by dinner to try something more solid like a little bit of pasta.
Oddly enough I've been a vegetarian for almost a decade but this fasting has in satiated my appetite for meat. All week I've been daydreaming about dashing into the KFC near my apartment (is anyone really surprised that there's a KFC in Harlem?) and gorging myself in a bucket of the colonel's greasiest wings. I'm already visioning the flecks of bread crumbs clinging to my cheeks as I pull my head out of the bucket only to gargle some gravy with mash potatoes before diving back in.
Of course I already have it planned that on the stroke of Midnight tomorrow night I'll be laying horizontal on the bar as the bartender simultaneously pours all the ingredients to a Long Island from the bottles directly into my mouth.
WISH ME LUCK EVERYONE
because tomorrow's the last day of......
THE MASTER CLEANSE!~