i told myself i wouldnt meon here anymore, but its something about having a blog that i know, people dont really read. this weekend help my notiice something... well a ew somethings. one. that i really am going to be alone for the rest of my life here in this life. i guess i snore really bad. so bad that no one can even sleep in the same room as me. now with my logic this is how i see it. im huge on cuddling when i sleep but if im snoring so darn loud how is she going to be able to sleep in the same room. im better off just staying alone then having to worry about that stuff. its kinda funny really, the more use i get to being single i notice how much more there is about me there is about me that she wouldnt like ( whoever she would be) and because of that im just better off alone. second thing is. i have an idea o the way things go in my mind ( like the way things should look in a house) it has gotten so bad or me that i freak out over really small things that i know people dont notice but there is nothing i can do to change them so i dont have people over (because this isnt my house) it in some ways runs my life. so much that its to the point where i can only go to a few peoples houses to hang out beause the way i see it in my head (the way things should look or the feel they should givve off) is the same way their house looks, but if something is off from the way i see it i can do one of two things: fix it, however i think it should look. ( i have done this many times) or... dont hang out there. its sad really, and im not sure what you would all it, but im pretty much a nut case. oh i also found out a few weeks ago that i have this medical term.. i cant remember what its called now, but... i smell color like when i smell things i see color its call syn something i can never remember. its odd though because i just figured that it wass normal and then i found out from a friend of mine that its a real thing. she sees color in peoples names ( letters) but there is all kinds of cases. people who can taste shapes even. but i figured out why when i cook. i like useing color. because i like the plate to match what i smell. anyways... thanks for reading anotherr page in my sad life. hahaha honestly so you know. im not depressed or sad when i say "my sad life" i just have come to notice that... eh it doesnt matter. : D haha cheers.oh yea one more side note. i had a chat with another one of my friends and i was talking about how i messed up on something. and she was telling me that im to hard on myself and that i need to relax more. it got me thinking though. why do i give myself such a hard time? i stridefor perfection and pleasing the human race i feel that its my goal in life. and that if i feel for one second i have not lived up to that... i have failed and then i let people down and then i mess up their lifes and yeah... like i said im a freak, and this just proves to me in my mind why im alone.haha honestly its funny.anyways ( haha again) later
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