This poem was written by a close friend of mine.  She has gone over some very tough hurdles recently and for that I look up to her like an older sister.  She listens to me as I talk to her what it was like growing up and what it was like losing my parents and thinks that's why she was meant to meet me...to be there for me and to be my sounding board and a source of comfort.  So now I want to post this poem in honor of her.  You know who you are and thank you so much sis.
============================================

As the days pass slowly and the weeks creep by, I find myself obsessed about ways that I could die.

I lay awake at night thinking of my pain.  There's no way I can get better, I have nothing left to gain.

Suddenly thoughts of  death are controlling my every move and every battle with my mind.  I always seem to lose.

I no longer want to be around the people  that I love.  All I think about is what's waiting up above.

I cut my arm with razor blades to dull the pain inside but that only last so long.  I just don't want to be alive.

I manage to keep my composure when people are around.  They wouldn't understand me so I don't make a sound.

I smile when I have to, I break down when I don't.  I know I should be strong but I also know I won't.

So I make a plan to take some pills, it shouldn't take too long.  I write notes to all my friends to read when I am gone.

I ask my mom to understand that life was just too hard.  My mind couldn't fight it anymore and my heart was far too scarred.

I plan it so perfectly, I even set a date.  I'm pretty sure I'm ready, I know this is my fate.

My bed is made up neatly as I take them one by one.  I start to feel a little scared, I know I'm almost done.

All I think about is how I'm letting go and how much I love my family.  I really hope they know.

My eyes are getting heavy, my body feels so weak.  Everything inside me is numb, that's the way it has to be.

I'm glad that mom's not here right now to watch me slowly die.  But still I wished I could say I love you and good-bye.

I give into the darkness, I slowly slip away.  I hope I go to heaven where dark night turns to day.

I wake up in confusion.  I don't know where I am.  Is this heaven of is this hell?

There are people all around, although I can barely see.  I can hear the soothing voices of people dear to me.

My family and friends are her comforting one anoth.  I can hardly make out any words until I hear my mother.

Each tear she cries feels like a knife stabbing at my soul.  I let my pain and suffering blind me from my goal.

At one point I was determined to make it through this test.  To lead a life of fulfillment and do my vey best.

But I somehow lost all sight of that.  I hope she can forgive, I promise not to waste my second chance to live.

I sit up in my hospital be, tears streaming down my cheeks.  My mother rushes over crying like she has not seen me in weeks.

I tell her I'm sorry for causing her so much pain.  I tell her that I will succeed in leading a better life.

Together we can figure out a way for me to get some help.  I know I can go to her instead of doing it myself.

I know that it's not over.  It's a long road ahead.  But I appreciate the little things because I could be dead.

I've learned to live each passing day as it were my last.  I look forward to the future and I'm going to learn from my past.