1. When you feel yourself getting tired take your ass home and get in bed if you have the chance, whatever you do don't fall asleep on my floor or couch, because I will do things to your unconscious body that you will not enjoy.

2. If you pop your collar you are instantly saying "I'm an idiot, please hit me in the face with a frying pan or shovel."

3. News reporters that stand outside during tornados to let you know that the tornado is windy will be giving a beautiful gift basket for their bravery, but the gift basket will be quickly taking away because of how stupid they are for standing outside during a tornado.

4. In the United States you must speak English, and I mean real English, the word job does not start with a y, I'm looking at you Mexicans.

5. In sitcoms, houses will no longer have stairs in the kitchen and living room. How many normal size houses have you been in that had 2 ways to access the upstairs?

6. Instead of the death penalty, criminals will just be left alone in a room with Chuck Norris.

7. You do not have to study because if you don't get it on the first read through then you'll never get it.

8. Unwanted babies will be eaten because that will stop people from having abortions, which are just wrong, and also stop overpopulation and world hunger all at the same time.

9. If you are at a wedding reception or some other party or a sporting event and The Macarena comes on, and it gets interrupted by the DJ or announcer and someone says "Hey! I like that song." you have my permission to murder them.

10. The buying of pink shirts will promote terrorism; you're not a terrorist are you?