..I'm back from my second Dragon Con. Yes, that's two. So, I can no longer act "too-cool-for-con". No more of the stumbling around wondering where Virgil is, so he may guide me through the lake of smoldering bodies (many dressed as Storm) to the safety of my hotel. I'm now an experienced Dragonconite. You can see it in my eyes. I'm a changed man. Some say I have a glow about me, and ask if I am pregnant.
Sadly, this time I rode the Dragon alone. There was
no Jackson Publick to cradle my trembling minutia with his strong arms and whisper "What are you doing? Knock it off!" when I got overwhelmed. There was no
no Jackson Publick to shoot me an observational joke, and thus make me feel like myself again. And there was
no Jackson Publick to share my hotel room with... Okay, that was a plus. But that's still two out of three.
I took the train again. Why? Well it's my inner ear. It hates me. And for as much as it hates me, it hates going up and down (extra fast) even more. Luckily, I love taking the train across our fair continent. It has the 19th Century flair of taking your sweet-ass time to it. But here is the one thing that I have to grapple with every time I take a train and have my own little sleeper car: There is a toilet in your room. Handy? Well hell yes. But! You are constantly struggling with the question: "Is there a toilet in my bedroom, or am I sleeping in a bathroom?" It could go either way...
And now a brief and astoundingly uninformative rundown of my Dragon Con experience. Again, I leave out all the good parts, and bore you close to the edge of coma, with the aid of
..
..
This is day one. I mean, I've been there for like an hour, which is almost enough time to get myself properly caffeinated, and then
WHAM, I'm Gnomed! During the "gnomeing", I'm informed that I am the only male he does this to. Should I be flattered or concerned that my unavoidable femininity is confusing the gnome?
..
At the first of two fucking amazingly unplanned panels, Dana (Master Shake, The Alchemist) Snyder and I gave out prizes to the momentarily deserving. Being that "The Venture Bros." generates no products with the exception of a calendar that I had no access to, Ken (VB Superfan and Master-Minder of Quickstopentertainment..com) Plume gave us a bag of unrelated nonsense to pass out. This quality Denise Austin workout DVD being among the high points.
NOTE: I ask you to notice that Dana's arm is a full 4 times larger than mine. Incidentally, any 13 year old girl's arm fully doubles the massive girth of my guns. I'm sorry I said "guns"... I should have said "steely pythons".
..
Alongside Ken's Mysterious Bag of Crap, I also handed out some posters of Dr. Girlfriend as a a sexy pinup girl. I drew them up (vector actually) myself, and even paid for the printing. Why? Well, you are now aware of the fact that we have no products, and it was also a form of VB love. Most celebrities (term used extra loosely) that attend Dragon Con charge like $20 for their 25 year old headshot and defacing signature. But that isn't the VB way! Jackson and I are the kind of douche bags that make our posters and
give them away... It's called "love", deal with it.
..
I'm signing one of my posters here. Dude, honestly, that Gator Aid isn't mine. Ken left it on the table. No, seriously... He loves the stuff. I, on the other hand, love coffee. I love it romantically.
..
The now famous "Doc Doll" made an appearance (sans creator) and I here embrace it cautiously.
NOTE: The hair color is dead-on correct. And also note that even though this doll is devoid of mouth parts, I swear to fuck it bit me on the ear.
..
After my first panel... Yes, the panel where I requested a moment of silence for the audience to reflect upon all the wonders that encompass Jackson Publick... I was interviewed for some
"pod-cast-thingy". As you listen to this, remember that I just got off the stage and was all kinds of confused. That should explain why I answer every question completely straight. But fear not! I did, once again, speak of my reproductive organs!
..
The next panel was on day two. I did a live commentary of "Escape to the House of Mummies Pt.2." Not sure how it went. You always feel like you are drowning on stage. I half expected the table in front of me to inflate into a raft. It didn't... I held my breath just in case.
NOTE: Not sure who was able to get this shot, but that's me right before I took the stage. I'm also not sure what I'm doing there. It looks as though I'm preparing myself to rock-the-house. Anybody that saw that panel can assure you I did no "house rocking". So I'm assuming that I was pretending to smoke. Ya know, one last imaginary cigarette before I go on and bomb.
..
I am wearing the inverse of the the previous day's outfit. Now I smartly don the red suit with black shirt. Ask me if anybody noticed that clever bit of fashion forward playfulness... Answer: no.
NOTE: Ken has a Gator Aid before him. Ha! Proof!
..
Here you see me giving the universal gesture for "linear thought". Sometimes this is confused with the "chopping" gesture, so popular in marshal oration. But with the "linear thought" hand, there is no downward motion. It simply connotes that what I am saying is bereft of bullshit. Whatever... Clearly, I gesticulate when I speak. I can't help it.
..
After the panel, the amazingly cool people who make up the mighty force that is
"ProV" graciously let me sign and give away posters at their booth.
NOTE: When you sign crap at a table, somebody always gives you some object to hold while they photograph you. (Jackson and I spanked a stuffed monkey at Comic Con once.) I said I would hold (Pip, I believe) the hedgehog, if he allowed me to look away in disinterest. He did, so I did.
..
I also got to have my picture taken with things that weren't hedgehogs, and therefore had no need for feigned disinterest. Here a Triana (with the show approved crossbones & skull T-shirt) and I pose in front of Sally Impossible.
NOTE: I wore my sunglasses all through day 2. Why? The sleepless aftermath of day 1, that's why.
..
Day 3 was an Adult Swim panel that I attended but didn't join. I was getting flashbacks to the infamous Comic Con 06 panel. I didn't feel like being teased (by a grown up) for my hair choices again. Although I mysteriously craved a wedgie or a maybe a noogie...
NOTE: This was grabbed by a once Molotov while Dana and I were looking for the Adult Swim panel. It looks like I'm smiling, but I'm pretty sure I was simply talking to the photographer. I don't smile. Oh sure, I laugh... But I don't smile. Why? Well, look at me when I do. It's kinda Child Snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang... Unsettling.
..
Here I pose with my displaced NYC pals. Chan took this picture. Apparently she thought we were posing for our new CD jacket, as that we look kinda like the
hot-new-act all the kids are clamoring for. I personally think that I look like the singer who also plays rhythm guitar on one song, but keeps the guitar on the whole show.
NOTE: that "I see London, I see France..."
..
I went back to the ProV table to get my picture taken with the amazing DRD. She wanted to be in her Henching Costume when she posed with the frightening, tattooed, stick of a man.
NOTE: Here I am actually smiling. Or it's also possible that the photographer said "Okay, give me more Andrew Eldritch everybody!"
..
Lots of impressive Venture costumes this year. Here we see Brock (this guy does an amazing impression of Patrick Warburton, by the way) holding back the minions from beating down Dr. Venture's finger sass. And one of two unbelievable Grand Galactic Inquisitors.
NOTE: That's the laugh I told you about. I mean, the guy had a working speaker on that suit... It was hilarious.
..
Attack of the Molotovs! And yes, there are worse ways to go...
NOTE: Rebecca is officially a cosplay genius. Come on! That's Molotov staying at the Ventures in a V.I. bathrobe.
So there you have it! My Dragoncon 07 experience, with all the good parts left out...
I love you,
Doc