I don't know how to start this...so here I go.

I'm very scared, confused, frustrated...oh, I have so many emotions I don't know which one to concentrate on. Let me give you a bit of history before I tell you why I have all of these emotions.

In the Past: When I was 9, my grandmother (my mom's mom) died of colon cancer. It sucked and I was too young to grasp what was really going on. As my mom became older and hit the age for testing for colon cancer, she has been having colonoscopies regularly. They have found pollups, removed them, but have come back negative! YAY! About 2 years ago, my mom was in SEVERE pain. She was having awful, disgusting symptoms (that I will not gross you out with). Most of the times, she was curled up in a ball, moaning on the couch. The doctors told her she has a disease and infection called diverticulosis and diverticulitis. This is where in your colon, pockets form and sometimes food gets stuck in these pockets, creating much pain and huge infections. They gave her every med and thing they could think of. About 1 1/2 yrs ago, it came time for my mom to have her regular colonoscopy. They attempted it...no go. Because of the pockets in her colon, the scar tissue from the disease, and the inflammation in the colon, the scope could not go through. She then took lots of anti-inflammatory meds, altered her diet, etc. 6 months later, they tried again. (Now, let me remind you...the prep for these things is AWFUL! and to do it multiple times is extremely exhausting and not fun. To give you an idea...you can't eat for 2 days, you have to take laxatives and drink this nasty stuff to clean out your system). Again...no success. They have done barium enemas, cat scans, MRIs to see what's going on. She is also having other awful complications that I will not go into do to her privacy.

Now: She hasn't had the colonoscopy she needs to diagnose if she has pollups and cancer. They did do another very thorough barium enema, and according to that, no cancer showed. There is a small part of her colon that is dead and has too much scar tissue to have a colonoscopy, and in time, it's going to get worse and worse. My mom is scheduled on August 9th to have surgery to cut out that part of her colon and fix a few other problems. BUT...here is where the emotions are rising. According to the results of the barium test, she has these pockets along the lining of most of her colon. The doctor needs a healthy section of colon to attach when they remove the dead section. IF they can't find one and have to continue cutting...she will end up with a colostomy bag for the rest of her life. This will turn her world upside down! I am also scared because she has NEVER been in surgery and she is tiny. I don't like to think of her under for a long period of time. 

For those of you who know my mom, have met her, and remember her...her motto was "I may be short and small, but I'm tough!" She is...and I try to be...but this is tearing me apart! I need your thoughts, words of support, and just your friendship in these times to get me through this. August 9th seems so far away, but is only 3 weeks away. PLEASE PLEASE keep her in your thoughts, prayers, and help me get through this. I keep telling myself she will be fine, the doctors won't let a bag replace her colon...but he told her they won't know until they go in and see it.

Sorry this has been so long...but it's been balled up inside and I needed to let it out. Thank you for being there for me in this difficult time. Again, I will need words of hope and just to know you will be there for me if I need extra love and support.

Thank you my friends! Love you

~Lisa