who are all these people? Do you ever think that none of the people you know are your friends? If you happen to have that thought often then maybe you're just not a very nice and friendly person. Next time you think the world is out to get you and even if you sit down on your toilet an unfriendly hand might reach out from below and pull you down from the inside you might have accidentally ingested some type of psychotropic substance. That's the moment you should start wondering if any of the people that you know are really your friends. Think back over all the people you've made contact with over the last few hours or so... maybe it was your friend at the cafe slipped a little something special into your soy latte, or it could have just been some ergot fungus growing on that delicious elote you bought on the corner in Echo Park.
Stop being paranoid, man... there's nobody hiding waiting beneath your toilet. All three of the people you consider your friends are, if not actually tecnhically your friends, at least respectable acquaintances, and that oughtta be good enough.
I just read this part in Gravity's Rainbow where a guy goes swimming down his toilet in search of the harmonica that just fell out of his pocket and down the commode as he was leaning over and throwning up in the bowl. I couldn't really figure out why anybody would want their harmonica back if it fell into a toilet. You put that thing in your mouth, you know? (not the toilet, the harmonica)