After over a year of sitting on our lazy butts watching the gradual reduction of our bank accounts and expansion of our waistlines, we have finally gotten our shit together enough to start booking some actual shows. As of right now we've confirmed that we will be appearing at all of Australia's
Soundwave Festivals in February, and it's about time. The last time we were invited to perform a Pacific rim job, Hannah Montana was still nothing but an annoying itch in Billy Ray Cyrus skin tight jeans. It's with a lot of regret that we have to inform you that
Lüpüs Thünder will not be joining us on this tour, as he finally came to the conclusion that the rest of us are a bunch of dicks and he'd rather kill himself with a didgeridoo suppository than ever share a bus, plane, stage or sandwich with us again. While we mourn his decision to move on just as we did with
Spanky G,
Willie the New Guy,
Daddy Long Legs,
MSG and Skip-o-pot-2-mus, we plan to continue on unhindered, hopefully inventing some sort of robot or bionic orangutan to take his place on guitar.
Before our fellow Americans start bitching about us never playing in our home country, we just want to point out that we are currently strategizing our triumphant return to American touring, hopefully starting in March, even though financing our return tickets may well mean we have to use
DJ Q-Ball as a heroin mule. To what remains of our loyal fans, we will see you on the road in a few short months, meanwhile we will be recording, rehearsing and jerking off to pictures of Sarah Palin's head Photoshopped onto the body of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" –era Kristy Swanson.
-Evil Jared