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Current mood:  anxious
| This is an extremely unimportant, borderline useless waste of time and energy, not so much effort, because it really didn't require me putting any effort into it. I've decided that I would like to amount to something. I don't know what spurred it, but it's probably seeing all the people I knew moving through college, while I'm focusing most of my time and energy into a job that may turn into a fruitful career, but only if I am exceptional at it. The hard part about that is my job really isn't something you can learn out of a book, which is my greatest strength, I think. I usually put time and effort into whatever I do...few exceptions... Anyway, when I see that people have finished their sophomore year of college already, and I may have finsihed enough credits for one, and mainly because of my high school ambition and the classes I took then, few of which I put any stock into. While I was attending college, I immersed myself in History, Anthropology, and English classes. After thinking about it, I am determined to return to college, next year, and perhaps even for the Fall '06 Semester. I also decided that I should finally take my SATs instead of putting them off, and giving myself another excuse not to go away to college. Believe me, I won't get homesick, I just don't like the idea of graduating, and instead of being able to fully enjoy that, having to look into a future full of tuition payments. I'll get by, and I will make the effort and time I put into everything so far worth something. I think I really fucked up back in tenth grade when I dropped out of school. I took almost a full year off, and then I went to Warrensburg instead, where I met some great people. I graduated from Luzerne with good grades, and everyone thought I should be really proud, myself included. You know what? That doesn't make me proud, because every time that I think back to it, I can't help but remember that I fucked up. Even when I was back in school, I fooled myself into believing that I was doing everything I could do, and I wasn't, and there have been very few things that I ever gave 100% to. I did as well or better than 90% of the people that I went to school with, but I want to see what I can do, when I do give 100%. I think if I can do that, then I'll have something to be proud of. That's all for now. |
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9:55 PM
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