So, I voted for Barack Obama early yesterday morning.  I also voted against Prop 8.  I felt pretty good about our prospects, even though I got a robo-call from the Prop 8 supporters that took some of the shiny off of the day.  I don't know why I listened to the message, but I did. 

Here's my paraphrased version of what it said: "What does Barack Obama say about gay marriage?  Here's what he says..."  it goes on to play a recording of one of Obama's speeches-- the one where he said, "as a Christian, (huge eruption of applause)... as a Christian, I believe that marriage is a sacred covenent between a man and a woman...".  The robo-voice goes on, "even Barack Obama doesn't believe in gay marriage.  Vote yes on Proposition 8." 

I blew it off, tried not to let it ruin my hopeful good mood.  Last evening, I took my niece to the mall to spend the gift card we got her for her birthday.  I got a text from one of my friends in Ohio-- Ohio just went to Obama!  My heart filled with joy, and I got goosebumps, knowing that no president gets elected w/o winning Ohio.  By the time I reached home and turned on the tv, they were just announcing that Obama was the projected winner of the election. 

I shouted with great enthusiasm, then remained glued to the tv to watch the electoral vote count grow higher and higher.  I celebrated through McCain's concession speech, and cried when Obama took the stage in Chicago.  What a historic, beautiful event.  He's a great speaker, he's so inspiring.  I believed him when he said he'd be the president of those who didn't vote for him.  I believed his words of hope and change. Things were feeling good.

So, now all we needed were the results on Prop 8.  As they started trickling in, it didn't look good.  It was sad and sweet, the way the local newcasters kept trying to reassure us that it was early yet, and there was no way to know which way the vote would turn out.  I tried to remain hopeful, but... if they can project presidential winners with only a percentage of the vote counted, how is this any different?  We watched the news for a few more hours, with no change in the gap between the "yes" and "no" votes...roughly 52 to 48. By the time we went to bed, I was in tears.  "I want to stay married to you!", I wailed to my wife.

She was sweet, and reassuring.  As she held me last night, my tears ran over both of us.  Echoing in my head were the words from the phone call I'd received earlier in the day...Obama's words about my marriage, used to sway voters in my state to make the choice to take away my equality.  Today, his voice is still in my head.  Not the words of hope from his acceptance speech, but the words that sealed my fate.  "I believe that marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman." 

So now, I'm wondering.  How is Mr. Hope and Change going to make this right?  I know he didn't sanction the use of his voice to take away my marriage, my equality, but... he did speak those words, and they did help the cause of discrimination.  How is this right?  How, in this historic moment, can this be okay?  I want to believe in Barack Obama, in the good of this nation.  But it's not going to be Obama who has to explain to my 10 year old son why his moms aren't legally recognized any longer as a married couple...that the beautiful ceremony we had at City Hall no longer means anything in the eyes of the law.

Will my president come explain how this could be true to my son, and to me?  I just can't seem to get my heart around it...