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...so i just viewed The Devil and Daniel Johnston and utterly fell to pieces. you see, i suffer from Bipolar with Psychosis, as well. it was uncanny the similarities in our stories, except for the fact that i am stable on medication and function 'normally' in society & he is an artist & musician & i a writer & photographer. well, that is to say, up until recently, when i now find myself in a hypomanic phase of little/disrupted sleep, racing thoughts and euphoric mood. anyhow, this prompted me to look into my journals and i am going to share an entry from the end of a psychotic, cross country road trip in early 2006. well, here goes nothing....
February 2, 2006
Rode the wave of life clear across the country-
Vibes pushing this way-
Vibes pulling that way-
Epic battle of thine mind's eye-
Leaving behind a torrent of 'charity'-
in the end loosing all
that once was mine-
now mine nevermore.
Images of beautiful faces-
trapped in the pages and stacks-
Spirits were no longer free to roam
from my consciousness-
a wicked web i wove
throughout the passing of
the ages of my life.
The beautiful butterfly could never be free-
when trapped within
the chaos of her own
design.
Wicked games of life-
procured by the demonic
mind's of rockstars & felons-
called me forth unto the
open road-
pressing forth-
pausing quietly when needed
to simply know which way to turn-
The scent of death
and the rattle of bones
always close behind-
breathing down my neck.
Broken down car-
Interstate 70 West-
Shattered glass-
along the freeway &
rattling within the door frame-
Cold winds whipping through my bones-
the dance of the dead
took place in a most
precarious of ways-
melancholy blues now overwhelm
thine being-
direct result of thine own actions.
Blinded by the light-
third eye shining bright-
guiding thine self by moon-
onward into the eternal night.
The mission was so unclear from jumpstart-
chaotic motion was the trance
that overcame my being-
With the open road befor thine very eyes-
the tears began to flow.
With 3rd eye not so blind
the bastard with buttons of
remote control- took his turn
at the wheel.
Kept to thine self-
was the true quest at hand-
the whisper of the elders-
telling me it was time to go-
time to go & help an estranged
family member.
Upon arrival-
his flesh was of pure white snow-
all the way down to his finger tips-
body stiff as a board-
gauntly and haunted-
despite the irridescent kalesecsopic
colors of the upperworld.
Told to honor the land I was-
so quietly I sought a brief
rest on the couch-
aired out trinkets
and memories of ancestors & friends.
Then came the awakening-
the awakening of the
Earth's energies-
the awakening all said was too
early as i traversed across the country.
Just above the fault line
under light of full moon-
the energies radiated
through my being-
raising up through my spine-
and setting my world into spin cycle.
CNS = LSD = Pretty much, insanity.
Take a look around-
tell me what you see-
is it beauty & brilliant light?
or is it chaos about to be born?
The celestial dance began
way before our time
unknowing of the masses
upon this land-
wrecking havoc-
and destroying our nation.
In the dawning of a new age
Mamma Earth is unleashing
her vengeance upon the many
so that they may be sacrificed
for the good of the Universe-
Bliss yet to be told.
The madness ensued
as I trekked eastward
only to wind up
in the psych ward-
as per the wishes of family.
Mania let loose in
the Behavioral Health Unit
Left to pick up pieces
that don't even exist.
The pieces don't even exist-
for there is nothing left to collect-
but to pick myself up
from the ground-
shake off the dust and dirt-
and keep rollin' onward.
A myriad of faces-
line the streets of the grand carnival-
Adorned with masks-
of both comedy & tragedy-
The plot ever remains the same-
eternal night brought to light
in a bittersweet symphony.
Cosmic Bliss yet unknown.
Heights yet to be soared-
as this bird can barely
take flight from the
nest of its birth.
Endless cycle of death & rebirth-
eternal in its rhythm-
chaotic in its ways-
blessed in its pace.
To each their own space & time.
 | Currently listening:
Powertrip
By Monster Magnet
Release date: 1998-06-16 |
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9:15 AM
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