i've truly realized today that most of the time, shit doesn't go your way. that's just the way it is, and you can't get upset about unimportant things like not being able to go to that Nightmare Of You show on a school night, or not being able to get ice cream one night, or someone not being able to come hang out with you.

tonight taught me a lot and it has a lot to do with two certain people, and i think you know who you are. as much as these last few months have been, you've always been there for me. and for the last few months i've been strung along partially unintentionally. regardless, i've done some growing up and some growing of balls and i've stuck up for myself. a little later than would have been completely healthy, but none the less, i've done it. i'm really fucking proud of myself and terrified at the same time. i think things are going to be okay.

one more week until school starts for me, and i've started it off on a bad foot. (aka not reading my books.) however, once the actual school part of the school year starts, i think i'm going to start stepping shit up. i need to take control of my fucking life for once, and it needs to start with this school year. i can't just sit around and expect things to happen for me, i need to get off my fucking ass and make them happen. i'm going to start doing. getting off my ass that is. l;asdjfsdfkj.

i need to start taking charge of my life, and tonight i refrained myself from burning yet another bridge. hello shitty. i need to stop thinking that erasing people is going to solve things. i just have no idea how the fuck i am supposed to look you in the face anymore. we'll see how things go down this weekend. i have too many things to say to too many people and my mind is running a million miles an hour. maybe sleep can cure the racing in my head, but i am willing to bet my life that it will only make sleeping that much more difficult. i also need to stop listening to taking back sunday. because yes, i will admit, i've listened to 'tell all your friends' a lot today. a lot. BLAHlaksdjf.

i think that i've spilled my guts enough because i can't think of anything else to say. earlier tonight i was debating whether to jump out the window, or smash your face in the next time i see you. i've decided on neither because i am bigger and better than both, and i can, and will be civil about this. mark my words.

i feel very strong right now.