Ok, before anyone asks me what this is about, I will tell you. It is a catagorized list of Poems and blurbs and express how the last year and a half have went for me. this is by no means all of my feelings, mearly a side view into how I feel and who I am. If you have questions, ask them, but keep rude comments ot yourself.

She wonders if you see her
as she sits alone tonight
she wonders if you feel her
hold her heart so tight
she never though she'd be here
in this pain filled night
but she knows somehow you feel for her
she know what you have been through
she sees the pain within your eyes
and knows somehow its true
she never thought she'd be here
holding heart and limb so tight
but in the moonlight
something feels right
she never thought she'd say this
she thought that time had passed
she thought you loved another
and looked through her in your past
she figured you never cared
so she moved on
now she's back
worse than before
for now she too has a skeleton behind her door
maybe now something will happen
but if it doesn't she will be your friend
she knows what your going though
and she knows where you have been


Painful Rainbow
Blue eyes have cried so much
Red blood on a white silk shirt
Green grass that will never be the same
Yellow tape keeps the people away
Purple glove puts the gun into a bag
Orange bag hides the pain she took away

Of love

Years ago I waited,
with the hope that you would come along.
When you did,
there was a flicker
and you were gone.
A true prince,
I'm not really sure.
But at that point,
I didn't care anymore.
I wanted someone to love me,
someone to know my name,
someone to hug me,
and feel no shame.
So now again I'm lonely
feeling lost and a little confused.
But the ways in which you have acted
help me get use to not seeing you.
I didn't do anything wrong,
but you feel nothing was right.
So I will move on,
and find another love to light my life.
Maybe next time he wont hide,
Maybe next time I will try harder,
maybe next time I will hold my heart
instead of letting it grow fonder.
I know it won't be easy,
because he hurt me hard before,
but I run back to him
to try our luck again
and if it doesn't work,
I know without a doubt
and we will be friends
that we will work it out in the end.

It's over now
time to start anew
I don't know how though
because I still think I am with you
I still think about all the things you said
and I still think about playing halo with your friends
I still think about how hugging you felt
I still think about how you made me melt
I still think about how you look
And how sometimes you could read me like a book.
I miss everything
and rightfully so
after all I didn't want to let you go.
But I see now how it could be for the best,
Even tho now my heart had soo much unrest.
I will be friends with you in the end,
but for now I guess I will just have to miss you.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

It's scary tonight,
but I guess it's alright
years of indecision
and making bad decisions
have cought up to me now
and make me feel... wow
I have love,
but lost it
have a dream
and lost it too
now I don't know what to do...
all my friends are leaving
which should have me beaming
but yet I'm so blue
I would love to cry
but can't no matter how hard I try
Am I the one to blame?
Or is this just some game?
Maybe its just something we go threw,
but that doesn't help cuz I'm still blue.
Bah to love
and bah to friends.
Like they will be there in the end.
I feel I will die alone
and heartless.
This is my fear,
and apparently my fortress.
I have ruined every relationship I have made.
I guess I was the one to blame.
It's not like anyone really fought for me,
which kind of puts me to shame.
Why be someone no one wants?
Why claim a life with haunts?
I think that is what I shall do.
I will give up on me.
Maybe I wont be so blue
Maybe then I will have a clue
I will change everything,
looks, hair, Maybe even the eyes too
I will rip it out and start anew
since that is what you want me to do
If im not good enough to vie for your love,
maybe I would be if I were on drugs.
I'll shoot-up, snif-up and drink-up some more
maybe then you will come knocking at my door.
who am i kidding,
I hate needles,
just the thought
makes me tingle
I don't get
so please if you do,
tell me now
what I have to become for you.
I'm willing to do anything,
save sex, drugs, and sin.
tell me now,
ands tomorrow will be different.
for I will do
anything it takes to be with you.

5 minuets....

some say i'm a dork
with all my qurks
and my looks
never work
so what if i cried?
you would pass me by
she's just being emo
you say to your teamo
hotties with the bodies
and minds like their two
are the girls for you
no me
no way
i'm fat
and your a brat
so f*** you
go get a clue
i'm the one
still here when she's done
but you dont care
so i dare
you
the few
see this girl
pick her up
give her a hug
make her day
sure she will like you
and want to be your friend,
but she is a different blend
if your the "good guy"
why not give her a try?
you might be suprised
with what you find
a friend till the end
with time to spend
.. --> --> -->

Plain Jane - The Poem

She's a clear cut crime fighting superhero

So they all say

But when she wakes up

she's just plain Jane

Her hair is never right

And her clothes are always a mess

With glasses since five

And hair cuts to hide them

She pulls out a book

As you walk right by.

You would never notice

The secret life she hides

For no one knows

Save I

You don't see the love she has

Or the dreams she's dreamed.

You laugh and say

She is a geek all the way

But at night she's queen

Queen of the world

Ruler of the land

She holds your hand

And walks beside you

Book in hand

To Understand

If you look beyond my scars, far far away, You might just see the happy girl, thats starting to fade away.  IF you look back to the past, and notice who I was, you'll notice now that who I am, isn't really me.  IF you look beyond the pain, you might just feel the same.  If you look past my tears, and past the fallen blood, if you pass all that, then you will have fallen.  If you fall where i have fell, then you might notice to, this life I live is nothing, but a show I put on for you.  If you look past my fake smile, past my fake outside, then you will see what is wrong, deep down inside.  If you go down deep enough, you might get to my heart.  If you see the crack in it, you will know what fell apart.  If you travel through my blood, and look up at my skin, you might just see the scars, that show up deep within.  If you look beyond the scars, beyond my fading skin, maybe then, and only then, would you understand

Friday, June 02, 2006

He doesn't like me,

He likes another.

Oh jease, what a blunder!

But I do this daily,

Its just like a lady.

I let my heart fly away,

Then to get it back I pray.

But I go unanswered.

And feel like a dancer,

Never allowed to stop

Or hop,

Just to fly

And cry,

And beg of him,

To take off this limb.

I am alone,

Cold to the bone.

I could die,

And you would never cry.

I am unseen.

Just as in my dream

I careen

Straight down,

Every pound.

To the depths of this water,

Would I make a martyr?

For love

And the loss

Or would I just hate the boss?

Myself

I cut,

But I run dry,

Not even a cry.

I'm scared!

My heart I want to bare!

But you love another,

Who makes me shudder?

Bye my love,

I will miss the hugs.

Blue

Great ocean blue

Will you take me to?

Im tired of living

This thing we call life

So take me away

Before I take my life

I call unto you

Deep ocean blue

See me

And make me anew

Tell him to like me

Deep ocean blue

Tell him to see me

Or take me with you

Im tired of living this life to no end

Tired of going round this same old bend

Tired of loneliness

And minimal feelings at best

I want him to find me,

And let me rest.

Great ocean blue,

What should I do?

I wrote thing like in January 06, for this guy I really liked, and still do....