Alright, here it is… the long awaited invite to the 2009 Steph Matulich Northern California (not that you have to be from Northern California, I mean you can come from anywhere really, even places like Capetown or Bangalore so long as you plunk down five dollars American to play) Invitational Celebrity Death Prognostication Challenge. If you experience difficulty with any part of the process feel free to e-mail me at elkgroverunner at gmail dot com.
1 – Thou shalt pony up*. The price of joining my elite corps of macabre prognosticators is a mere $5; well worth skipping your double-half-caf-nonfat-sugar -free-vanilla-I'm-a-high -maintenance-pain-in-the-ass -latte for one day. You can pay via PayPal (my username is elkgroverunner at gmail dot com). Once you pay you can proceed to the next step.
*In order to be fair to all players, I will not accept lists from someone until they have paid.
2 – Thou shalt be allowed to submit multiple lists. So long as you submit the requisite $5 per list.
3 – Thou shalt create your list. Each player shall create a list of twenty celebs they think are headed for a dirt nap in 2009. Each celebrity's point value will correspond to their position on the list.
For instance, if you write Dick Clark in at 20 and he keels over before the ball drops next year you get twenty points. Your 19 pick will be worth nineteen points, 5 pick is worth 5 points and so on.
4 – Thou shalt submit your list. E-mail your lists to elkgroverunner@gmail.com and be sure to use the subject header "2009 Dead Pool Picks - (PayPal confirmation number)".
5 – Thou shalt have "celebrity" defined. A celebrity is any actor, athlete, politician, journalist, criminal or public personality in whose shrubbery paparazzi may reasonably be expected to hide. Here's the thing: if I can Google a pick's name and find a couple dozen hits I'll accept the submission.
Last year the question of terror suspects came up and I nixed the idea of including them for the sake of keeping things simple. This year we're going to try allowing them and see how it goes.
Therefore, if you think you have a read on the next Abu Musab al-Zarqawi I'll allow the pick with two caveats: the person has to be included on some kind of official watch list and the death has to be confirmed by a minimum of three major media outlets.
6 - Thou shalt join the Yahoo! group. A Yahoo! group exists through which picks are posted, participants engage in discussions and progress is tracked throughout the year. Once you have paid and submitted your list you will be invited to join this group unless you join prior to receiving the invitation. Again, a participant's list will not be posted before their $5 is received. The page is located at:
California Celebrity Death Pool
7 – Thou shalt not join this group and spam participants. If you join this group and proceed to spam participants, tout another dead pool or otherwise make a general nuisance of yourself don't be surprised when you are unceremoniously booted. Any entry fees and lists will be forfeit.
8 – Thou shalt take note of the ridiculous disclaimer because we doth dwell in the most obnoxiously litigious society on Earth. No threatening, stalking, making contact with, murdering or otherwise harassing celebrities. Or, rather, if you do threaten, stalk, make contact with, murder or otherwise harass a celebrity don't get caught. And forget you ever knew me.
The American court system has determined that these types of death pools are completely legit but I'd hate to see our fun get ruined by some kook who thinks John Cusack is transmitting secret messages through their fillings.
Just remember: I'm not above building my personal fortune by reporting a would-be stalker and collecting the reward money.
9 – Thou shalt be treated like an adult. Ask anyone who's participated before, I don't babysit. In the years I've run a death pool I've only ever had to remove one person and that was because the scumbag joined up and began spamming everyone. Other than that I've found the participants in my death pool to be a delightful bunch of sickos and I know you will too.
Happy prognosticating!