Dear God,

I've decided to make my wish directly to you since rumours have been abound on Santa being fake and all. All I want for Christmas is,

Longer Attention spans

Thank you for all the Miss January, May, September and those that came in between. Some had been nice, some I'd have rather have done without and all who's been pissed on by me. No, not literally.

I've come to a consensus that my attention, or the fragmented desert that it is, is only good for a month. Two if you're really hot. Easily three if you're hot and you're a rave fanatic.

Usually, things like emotional dependency and attachment will set in and you'll be sitting me down to talk about 'the future', which was up till then, avoiding pregnancy. You know where this will lead you.. an ass whooping.

Two quick jabs to the eye and a knee to the gut is all you will get from me.

To be a better man.

I hear giggling.. is that you Lord?

A Heart.

It died last year and intermittently revived on several blowjob occasions. I'm a simple man looking for hot girl who continuously buys me drinks despite being an absolute disastrous conversationalist. Make that a REALLY hot girl.

A Driving License

Just one more week till my ban is lifted and I can proceed to book theory tests and resume exaggerated blind spot checking. Yes, it's been a year already.

More beer money.

While I'm contented to having 15 shots and up on good nights, more beer money would equate to more drinks, and better ones for that matter. House wines will be a figment of poverty.

For everything else, its all good.