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Vaserlan Casting - Looking for Actress/model aged 18-55 to play sexy standup character
I am looking for an 18-55 year old actress/model to play a sexy standup character in THEIR OWN REGIONS
The aim is to promote the character simultaneously across the country [eg GREAT BRITAIN, USA, CANADA, AUSTRALIA, NEW ZEALAND, SOUTH AFRICA] meaning a performance eg in New York could even happen the same night as another one in Miami played by a different actress/model.
Gig as often or as little as you wish to suit your schedule.
The finnished act is on my myspace blog including a heckler putdown.
It is up to the individual actress/model to find open spots for herself. Although, the writer will try to help find gigs.
The writer is open to changes in order to tailor the act to the individual and country of performance.
Please apply now to take part or for more information.
Note: you must be over 18 to apply for this listing.
The writer looks favourably upon applicants who leave a comment on the MySpace Blog.
Payment details: You retain 50% of the money paid to you for each gig.
Payment details: 50% profit share
WOULD EACH INTERESTED APPLICANT PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT. THAT WAY YOU'LL GET PROCESSED QUICKER :)
ALL MATERIAL WGAw PROTECTED - I ALSO DO TAE KWON DO :)
Age Range: From 18 to 45
The actress would be given 50% of the profits.
Here is a sample of the material:
Vaserlan
"He could at least glance at my ... best bits. But no; - he hasn't the common decency."
(shakes head)
"No furtive glances ... not one ..."
(comic annoyance)
"- quite frankly, I feel insulted."
(comically insistent)
"I'm a glamour puss, a corker, a hot Bolton babe – I demand furtive glances."
(Pause)
(anger)
"But not stares. When any man stares at my chest."
(smiles)
"Well, ... he'll be 'discouraged' from doing so again"
(lusty)
"... unless he's really fit:"
(aroused)
"- grrr."
(pause: smiles)
"In summary: I demand blokes take a shufti:"
(with comical pride)
"I'm hootymongous."
I HAVE MORE MATERIAL ON MY BLOG. ESP, CHECK OUT R22 :)
Some stuff I can convert to standup: the toilet stuff.
Here are some samples:
FROM From the file on my blog called "R7":
Blake comes out of the toilet.
He looks drained.
BLAKE
(to himself)
Oh, I'm exhausted.
Vaserlan Laughs.
(CONTINUED)
Blake jumps.
VASERLAN
(containing her laughter*)
I must say, you were making some tremendous noises there, Blake.
(pause)
Not enough fibre?
'laughter*' = it should be very obvious that Vn is barely managing to not laugh - this should be great facial comedy.
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
I mean, there was a lot of grunting + groaning: it was like you were trying to give birth in there.
She makes the noises:
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
Arrh - 1, 2, 3, push ...
(comic timing)
(spoofing excitement)
- I can see the head.
Bl's reaction shot.
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
I mean, many women have compared* childbirth ... to just a rally big poo ...
Bl's reaction shot: splitscreen with Vn.
Then solely on Vn: close up.
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
(pause)
... sans the ... 'bundle of joy'.
========================
FROM From the file on my blog called "R27" :
In fit of lust, Vaserlan rips the shirt off Blake:
BLAKE
(as in mi-aow)
Aow!
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
(joking but still slightly annoyed)
That was a good shirt ... I'm in space here: ... I'm far far* away from any decent retail outlet.
BIZ: * = not a typo but a Star Wars gag by Blake ie a character choice. Vaserlan is amused by blake's Star Wars reference.
VASERLAN
(joking)
You're right: only shabby Klingon establishments that are really tough on the refunds.
(freshly minting: please)
Leaving the customer in, and not enjoying, ... 'retail therapy'.
(pause)
But... I made that shirt for you. You seem to be implying that it was a shirt you purchased.
BLAKE
it was a good line. People are allowed to joke. I mean, you didn't really do the special effects for Jesus? Did you?
VASERLAN
(truthful)
I told you, blake: I'm a tremendous person. On the subject of the bible, I always wanted to do a 'scratch-and-sniff' edition. Y'know, scratch and sniff Jesus. Smell that holiness.
Bl gives her a look that causes her to say:
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
Because ... he did smell nice.
(Vn smiling with lust)
A manly musk.
BLAKE
(offhand)
Yes,
(timing)
but you didn't really write the Bible, did you?
(pause - Audience laughter)
because if you did, it wouldn't be anti-gay, anti-women and especially ... anti-sex.
Reaction shot: hiding a knowing smile.
VASERLAN
(sheepish - affected but convincing)
Bollocks - you rumbled me.
(Pause)
Vn's eyes [they have to convey a lot]: She did write the bible: see her backstory and the outline for (Vn-3) ie this screenplay you read now is the 5th chronologically ie (Vn-4) is "The early Fluffy years". The sequel is called (Vn+1).
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
Only joking. I did write it but.... like every other great writer
Bl's reaction via splitscreen to Vn's ego.
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
in history, including Shakespeare ...
(quite angry)
I was rewritten. ...
(anger not comical)
-grrr.
BLAKE
You've got an answer for everything.
VASERLAN
(tragic contradictory eyes)
(comic pride*)
I'm a legend.
(pause: long)
(saying it as a joke to cover the truth)
Seriously Blake, I was rewritten: 'Our Lord in heaven', I never wrote that... I wrote: "Our Lady"
(sheepish)
... me.
Bl is amused.
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
And the "Virgin Mary" ...
Blake is amused by Vn's erm ... 'postfeminism' ..., Vn raises a half forced smile for she speaks the truth.
VASERLAN (CONT'D)
wasn't my style AT ALL.
=====================
RE STANDUP - A PUT DOWN TO SLAUGHTER A HECKLAR
HECKLARS DO SAY: "Show us your tits"
VASERLAN
No, YOU show us your sixpack, your … 'ripple'. Get your manhood out. Show us the size of your portion.
(goad him)
Well, go on.
(pause)
What's the problem, don't you want us to see your STDs?
(pause)
Scratch that …
(realises she's made an unintentinal pun)
(to rest of audience)
- Well, he probably does.
(pause)
No, I mean 'forget that'. Because in order to get STDs you actually have to have sex in the first place. Which, looking at you, … isn't very likely.
(pause then thumbs up to him)
You're as safe as houses, mate. Now go away and work on your personality.
(pause)
You might also want to buy a copy of Nuts* I'm in and wank over that – it's the closest you'll ever get.
(realises)
I must apologise for that ladies and gentleman … I mean, it's a shameless plug, isn't it.
(pause)
Well, atleast his mum loves him … presumably.
* = if the applicant is in any other magazine it can be changed to that. If not that part can be cut.
SO PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR MORE DETAILS. :)
MY MSN IS vaserlan@hotmail.co.uk
WOULD EACH INTERESTED APPLICANT PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT. THAT WAY YOU'LL GET PROCESSED QUICKER :)
5:10 AM
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