Sounds a bit technical, this is how I am doing at the moment! There is a fluid line of mental health, I have been to both ends and believe me, neither is any fun!

Been manic happy and manic sad, they are tireing . God was I tired. Once I was off work for 3 months, I couldn't wake up! I slept for like 20 hours a day and was tired for the 4 I was awake. I was dehidrated because I wasn't awake long enough to get enough fluids into my body. I have been so hyper I couldn't sleep for days at a time, I would be running around like an idiot, right until I dropped.

Now, well, now I am on the middle ground, have been for quite a few months now. It's probably the longest I have maintained this level since I was like 14 or so! (Can you possibly be at any level at 14? I wonder.)

I am generally happy a normal amount of time, I get pissed off about things sometimes, I feel anxious sometimes, sometimes I feel guilty but they pass and they pass quickly. What I am in droves is content. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life career wise but you know what? I don't really care right now. I decided not to enroll in the teaching assisstant course I was going to do this year. I figured let the painting thing get going and see how it goes. I don't need to see myself fail so I can prove to myself I am worthless. I am not worthless by the way, I have as much worth as you or anyone else has! And I really believe that. My painting is coming on quite well I reckon, I have enough commissions to keep me going, I think I am improving with every painting. It makes me smile when I think how many people I don't know have one of my paintings on their wall, places like Dublin, Spain and now even New York. I mean how cool is that?

So, lets recap here. I am happy, sane, and on a level. Lets hope I can maintain it eh? I think I can.