We've all had it happen.  We hear a term used and, for some unknown reason, it sticks with us like freshly chewed and carelessly discarded gum will stick to our favorite new shoes.  For the past couple of days, I have had one of these terms stuck in my head and I just have to write my thoughts on it in the hopes that I will be able to let the fucking word go.  It's not even a cool new term that I've never heard...  It's simply one that I don't hear very often.  Fuck it.  Let's get this exorcism started.

It all started a couple days ago when I was casually perusing some bulletins.  Most are garbage and I can tell from the subject line but I am a sucker for a good title so I'll read the ones that catch my eye.  That's when I saw a bulletin posted by a smokin' hot blonde from California.  The subject?  "You and your janky Target Card. (SO NOT HOT)"  It got me and I'll tell you why.  First, however, let me share the entire bulletin...

"I have gotten sooooooo many TARGET gift card spams in the last few days that if I actually believed you bitches, I could probably have enough gift cards to buy the whole damn COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!

If this is the first time you have seen my bulletin-bitching about your janky spam, all I am saying is change your damn ass password!!!!!!!!!!!!

If not, well then you already know why I am irritated, and I am not even sorry one bit for bitching yet AGAIN ;)

Have a good day....

And don't talk shit about people when they are standing 3 feet away and expect them not to hear you.

That's a lesson some bitches on BART had to learn last night, and I don't want you all to have to make the same mistake.

That is all.

xo"

I love this girl's attitude.  You all know that I'm a sucker for a hot chick with a knuckle-up disposition.  However, the term that struck me twice here is her use of the word "janky."  That's right.  "Janky."  You can probably gather the meaning of the term from her use of it, but if you're not sure what it means I'll share the definition straight from the Urban Dictionary...

Janky - jain-key (adjective) Of inferior quality; held in low social regard; old and delapidated.  Refers almost exclusively to inanimate material objects, not to people.

On my way to work this morning, my recent obsession with the word came to a head.  I started rattling it off out loud to myself in the car as I made the 8mph crawl around the northend I-285 perimeter to work.  It started off innocently enough when an overweight woman beside me got a little bent out of shape when I wasn't in the mood to allow her to bounce back and forth between my lane and hers as she did the dumbass Office Space lane dance trying to get a leg-up on everyone else.

"Fuck you, lady. I see you aimin' your bitch-lights at me while your ass is plopped in your driver's seat like a sweaty stack of pancakes, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit here and let you bounce between these two lanes in your janky Toyota Camry all fucking morning!"

While a mouthful, that was actually one of the shorter comments that I made which highlighted the term.  By the time I passed the 400 exit, I was in full-on janky mode and I couldn't stop myself.

"Could you go any slower, Vanilla Ice?  I know you're rollin' in your 5.0 with the ragtop down so the wind can whistle thru your janky-ass Got2B ultra-stiff, ultra-greasy pomade and to the extreme you rock the brake like a vandal... You block up a lane and wax a chump like... Get that janky piece of shit in to a slow lane, Ferdinand Ma-hair-GEL-len!!"

I know.  I was a little road-ragey.  Sorry.  I really wasn't pissed off, but I wanted to say the word "janky" out loud as much as possible.  I couldn't stop.  Hell, I couldn't even slow down.  I still can't.  I just said "is my janky-ass shift key not working now?" when it didn't capitalize the "I" in that last sentance.  I have a problem and I may need professional help.

But why share this with all of you?  The truth is that I don't want you to be confused when you run in to me at the club.  I don't want to tell you "So you decided to wear those janky shoes to the club?  Nice." and have you walk away thinking "So Fain loves my new flats!"  No I don't.  When every other woman is in her strappy stilettos, your flats make you look like you've been baking E.L. Fudges in the Keebler Elf Tree all day and came straight to the club after work.  Put on a pair of heels for fuck's sake.  This ain't some janky neighborhood bar that you like to loiter in after you eat at Applebee's.  No matter what my tone of voice may be, janky is not a compliment or a term of endearment.

So, thank you DALLAS, for sticking that word in my head...  And I'm sure the thousands of people who hear me use the term ad-nauseum this weekend will want to thank you too.

I'll see you at Fever Saturday night and if you refer to my sweet mullet as janky, I'm goin' to start throwin' 'bows in the VIP.  Don't try me.

Stay slutty, Atlanta!