I've been the victim of racism before - my white ex-boss and one of my co-workers called me a Paki lover because they found out I'd kissed a black person before and had no problem with doing so again in the future. I got told by an Irish guy that as an English guy I had nothing to say that was of relevance to anyone because I occupied a position that made me synonymous with every single oppressor there was or ever had been. I pointed out to both of them where they were wrong and judged each of them in that moment on a case by case basis - meaning I judged the person and not the race. It was a person speaking to me, not a race.

When I come to a situation I would like to say that I do not bring my race with me but when you are facing someone who is racist it is obvious that you cannot avoid carrying your skin colour with you. The term reverse racism, by the way, is absolute bullshit - ignorance is ignorance no matter how you colour it (pun intended).

So why am I writing this? Well, experiences in the past week have given me reason to think about the subject. We had problems with a tenant, in that they weren't paying their rent, and I was reluctantly forced to step in and deal with the problem - to broker a peace deal between him and my wife, who manages the leases normally. Their exchange had got heated and out of control and had become threatening. I defused everything and after having to repeat myself a few times I felt that the situation was handled and everything was resolved.

The next day my son blew up over something that happened in the kitchen while he was cooking. I walk into a conversation where said problem tenant is using this event as an excuse to bad-mouth my wife. I dealt with the initial problem - finding out about the blow up and dealing with those involved in that. Then I drew aside the tenant and attempted to discuss with him how it wasn't acceptable for him to be talking about my family in the way he was, especially in reference to the matter the previous today which was in the past and had no bearing on today's events.

On hearing the discussion, which could not be kept private because the tenant insisted on having it in the corridor, tenant number two came and sat down next to the two of us. This changed the situation and it was kind of odd to experience the shift from something being on a one-to-one basis to it suddenly being about something else entirely, namely about the colours of our skin. Tenant number three joins the fray and if your viewing this in terms of race, which I refused to do, you might see it as an evening up of the sides. I didn't allow tenant number three to interject at all because that would have allowed tenant number two access to the conversation as well and this was between me and tenant number one.

I later get this explained to me as being representative of the attitude that gets the n-bomb thrown at people. I explained that in no situation am I going to be throwing that around. Ignorance begets ignorance - a person of one colour acting a certain way doesn't give a person of another colour carte blanche to use a racial slur against them; that represents nothing but a perpetuation of the problem.

So the n-word, what use are discussions of it? Part of me thinks that they are a diversion and deflect us from tackling the important thing - the ignorant attitudes people have. But then I think how can you tackle the thinking if you don't address the language? Making words taboo isn't the route to go, but keeping them in use doesn't seem to work either. Is it a useful word? A useful tool? No, I don't think it is. Has it been reclaimed by people who want to use a hate word in a way that empowers them? To a degree. But you have people using it in the old way and the new way - differentiated by how the word is pronounced at the end; it's a distinction that is still too subtle and the usage is still determined primarily along racial lines.

We share our cultures more than ever - to say something is black culture and something is white culture can seem almost redundant. White kids grow up listening to hip-hop; hip-hop artists knowingly sell to them, white kids make hip-hop. Blues followed a similar path, as did jazz. You can buy into ideas of Rastafari, certain Afrocentric cultures; you can listen to things like ska, reggae, hip-hop, but you'll still be white. Is it important? The musicians, the proponents and proselytizers of these beliefs are educated individuals working to raise the consciousness of everyone (ok some of them maybe aren't) so is it important to them who is listening to them? I would say they would be open to someone open-minded listening to them.

I've had the word cracker thrown at me recently. Had to sit there and listen to someone laying out scenarios which were supposed to scare me by allowing me to infer what might happen to me were I to step out of line. Had to correct the misperception that instead of having spoken with my wife and come to a decision regarding something I have somehow put her in her place. How do you deal with it? You attack it for what is - ignorance, without resorting to displays of ignorance yourself.

I don't need to resort to physicality to get my point across. I don't need racial slurs as a shorthand for saying that I believe someone is behaving ignorantly, and perhaps if more people find a way to communicate without resorting to these tools things will improve.

Sure, be proud of your heritage, wear it well, but know it, serve it well, but don't expect me to see you as a spokesperson for all your ancestors. I'm not a spokesperson for evry white man out there - I speak only for myself; it is the only thing I have the authority to do, and I would not presume to do anything more.