Paula:

“I have a different take on the subject. I used to feel strongly about cheaters. Now, not so much. The most important thing is discretion.  The cardinal rule for me is don't get caught.”

This is so weird for me to hear this...it’s almost exactly what I would have said.  I think, that like you, it’s not condoning or saying that cheating is alright to do..duh it’s a no brainer...BUT, life is not black or white , yes or no, right or wrong, in every situation.  No one goes out with the intention to cheat, but sometimes Sh*t happens, and until you personally step in it yourself, you tend to be like I used to be as well...moralistic, judgemental, preacher...not that this is wrong either.  It’s complicated.  Human emotions and interaction is complicated, interesting, multi-faceted, has no man made boundaries, and sometimes even defies logic/ time/space continuum...

It sounds almost callous to say...”just don’t get caught”, and YET...I understand and agree with this statement.  It’s not something you suddenly think one day, or use as an excuse to justify rotten behaviour.  Rather, for me it’s saying “ok..I’ve done the wrong thing here, but lets not unnecessarily drag an innocent person who I actually do love into this.  It took a bit of growing up, and realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around me to understand  this...and yes, sometimes there really ARE things we best just take to the grave with us.

Now, to all the people out there who are ready to hit the reply button, and blast the crap out of me, and say “you shouldn’t get your self into the situation in the first place”...of course this is the best and most logical thing for all concerned.  But sometimes, a 1 time indiscretion is just so not worth the aggro and heartache it causes to the other person. (really)

So..One time indiscresion...if you can get away with it without destroying additional lives...use your 1 time only get out of jail free card.

If you are living with a habitual cheater...pack their bags...sooner rather than later.

If they fall in love with the “other” person...cut them loose even faster.  Are they worth fighting over...do you really need to find out who they love more?....make the decision for them...(easier said than done)

Catherine, we all have our relationship problems, trust me we do, The person that is doing the cheating has the problem, its not the person that is being cheated on, their problems arise when they find out, trust issues can never really be repaired.

Infinitely is a issue of morals, just because people are doing it- doesn’t make it correct, wisdom of action has to be accounted for Catherine, and know I am not a bitter person, I see through eyes that have a moral reasonability to my partner, my friends and colleagues, and Catherine if something isn’t working, common decency of being honest with a person should stop the deceiving unfaithfulness of people morals.   

Catherine open relationship are when two people are in a so called relationship, and agree that having outside partners is an ok thing to do- tacky, tacky, tacky.

Catherine:

I think it is a natural part of a relationship to contemplate being unfaithful.

Monogamy is man made, or woman made. Not nature made.

I do feel that a married couple should try and remain monogamous,

Once again...exactly something I would have said.  This kind of statement is never made willy nilly.  Nor is it a sign that someone thinks it is OK for people to go and shoot it into the breeze when ever they get the urge, or need an attention hit...but let’s face it...there is nothing better than knowing someone out there wants you.

 It’s obvious to me that Catherine has seen two sides of the story, and has put her hurt and anger aside long enough to Explore and think about the darker sides of human nature, and rather than be quick to judge people, she has understood that we are sometimes controlled (don’t actually like the word controlled, but can’t find better one right now) by forces of nature, and chemistry and pheromones and body language and natural mating rituals that ensure the survival of our spieces.  Some people are just better at being faithful than others...and gender has absolutely nothing to do with this...both males and females can be predators and deceitful...and more often than not, (which has already been mentioned), there are underlying reasons for this behaviour.  Most  people simply go to extraordinary lengths to not get caught. I think most people would be surprised at just how much cheating occurs...and usually it’s by the ones you least expect!