In the past year so much has changed in my life, and our home.  There has been good, bad and downright ugly.  I guess that part goes with having a teenager in the house, and them finding who they really are.  This past month has given me so much time to think about things.  As we waited a month for Erika's surgery, and the unknown that was involved, my perspective has also changed. 

I HATE the unknown, and that part killed me.  I like to be in control of things, and this took things completely out of anyone's control except God's control.  Maybe that was our lesson, just to understand that he is in control, and things will be handled in his way.  As hard of a lesson as it was to learn, the lesson gave me new knowledge. 

I am a very competitive person by nature, and as I stated before like to be in control.  I am learning competition is a good thing, in it's own right, and sometimes control has to be given up. 

At home I have learned that I am very fortunate to have a husband that loves me unconditionally, and although there are always hard times for everyone, can make me smile somedays when all I want to do is cry.  As he told Erika while we were watching "Hitch" Sunday afternoon, that he loves me more than the day he married me and never wants to see me hurt, it was special. I think that I realized that finding someone you can truly talk to as you grow older is truly special.  Also, finding someone that tells you that it would be the most incredible thing in his life, to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary with me. 

With Erika, I have learned she is NOT me, and she is her own individual person.  When I was 18, I was managing a business, and she is will be 18 next year, and is no where near ready for responsibility.  I have realized it is okay, and that she will take the responsiblity when she is ready.  (hopefully college will help that along)  It is not a bad thing that she is not ready, as she has been given so many other incredible qualities that truly amaze me.  She is an amazing gymnast, and even through 3 surgeries in 3 years, she wants to go back again.  I tried to get her to quit, but the love she has for the sport, I can not take away.  The friends she has gotten through the sport, are the most amazing girls, and I know she is very lucky to have friends she can count on.  I know cheerleading is a part of her life that is just fun, and she looks amazingly happy on the sidelines.  She struggles with tests, but that does not have anything to do with her intelligence, just another hurdle for her to overcome.  She overcomes so many things, and through all the struggles has built a character that defines her.  She does not back down in her beliefs, would fight anyone over their friends, loves with her whole heart and has turned out to be beautiful inside and out.  I have seen her pain "in love" recently, and know that her pain is real.  I think out of this past month, and especially this past week at home with her has been the most incredible time of truly understanding my incredible daughter. 

I know that Erika wants to do college gymnastics, and really wants to go to BAMA.  Before the injury, she would have probably gotten scholarship offers from several colleges, but with the unknown of surgery many have backed off.  Alabama and Auburn are still keeping in touch, and I can feel comfortable with either program (even though I love my BAMA)  I know that because of the injury there is a possiblity that she may have to walk-on, but as Alabama told me their walk-on's always earn a scholarship if they can prove their desire and worth.  I have no doubt as to Erika's desire and worth.  Both are going to give her an official visit in the fall, and what happens from there is in God's control. 

I have learned I don't have to have "things" to make me happy, I like what I have, and my family is everything. 

I understand, that our poor dog "Joey" is never going to grow a brain that makes him understand that doggie door is to go outside.  He is so much like his namesake Joey from Friends, and like they say on Friends it is a good thing that he is pretty.  He is a part of our family, and I can't imagine not seeing his happy face when we come home, or seeing how spastic he gets after a bath.  (that is truly a sight) 

Friends are a true gift, and something I value greatly. I have great friends that I can count on, and that I love dearly.  I have parents that love me.  I have a company that makes me happy, and that I enjoy going to work.  (as much as you can on some days)

I take on too much sometimes, but that is my nature.  I stress too much sometimes, but that is because I care too much.  I am too generous sometimes, but I won't stop that.  I wish I could be more laid back, but someone has to be in control.  These are some of the qualities that define who I am, and I don't think they are bad. 

I love to travel but now I am happy to come home.  Home is where my heart is, and that is fine with me.  There is nothing wrong with a simple life, and it sounds pretty good to me now. 

I guess I have learned a lot in a month, and hope the lessons stay with me for awhile.