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Gator Press


Last Updated: 12/11/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 101
Sign: Cancer

City: San Leon
State: Texas
Country: US
Signup Date: 3/21/2006
Thursday, February 21, 2008 
The other night I walked into a local club and bellied up to the bar. On each side of me was a young Cajun female, both Katrina evacuees. Both were sober - a testament to the devastation wreaked by the storm and evacuation.
As we sat down at the bar, I cast my eyes to the left, and saw an older couple with lots of hair, sitting at a table next to the dance floor. Both of them were drinking glasses of agua pura - H2O - water. Not bottled water. Tap water - as when you slam your fist on the bar and say (in your boldest as-if-I-had-any-balls voice) "Just gimme a glass of water."
My first thought was that these poor souls were there to enjoy the music, but were too impoverished to afford a drink, not even for the lady.
I even thought maybe I should buy them a drink, and was pondering this when a guy next to me (who was trying to mack on the Cajunettes) said "Hey, do you know who that is?" I shook my head and he said "that's the Wildmans, they own the Houston Music News."
So, I ordered my drink, but my rational mind kept clamoring at me with questions. As heir to the Gator Press fortune, I know from personal experience that publishing newspapers is extremely lucrative. Every week, there are bags and boxes filled with cash and checks to sort through. All of us in the publishing business are fat-cat tycoons. So why the water?
Maybe they are health nuts? Nah, or else they'd be drinking bottled water. Okay, maybe they're taking penicillin, and it doesn't work if you drink alcohol. Possibly, but I doubt it. I think the more likely cause is that they are non-drinkers.
Now, I'm not going to say anything bad about non-drinkers. I myself was a nondrinker right up to my 14th birthday. But here is a simple lesson in manners or protocol in drinking establishments: You are not supposed to order tap water. Ever. Under any circumstances. In fact, if I was tending bar, I would refuse to serve tap water - and many bars do.
The owners and management spend a lot of money on utilities,  rent,  supplies, entertainment, licenses, and lots of other things. They don't do this for charity, thou drinker of water. They're not the Star of Hope Mission, and they can't earn a living if their chairs and tables are occupied by cheap chiselers drinking tap water.
Your use of a good seat combined with a zero tab make you a losing proposition.
The waitresses and bartenders are living on tips, and if you aren't spending any money, you're stealing from them.
If you must drink water for whatever reason, order a bottled water and pay for it like a decent, civilized person. And don't forget to tip.
It's sad someone has to tell you this. This is something you should know by now, Mr. & Mrs. Wildman. It's called courtesy and manners, and here in Texas decent folks generally instill it in their kids by the age of ten.
3:01 AM
 
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