The following is an excerpt from a speech Hillary Clinton gave to a group of residents of a small Pennsylvania town where times are tough since all the factory jobs moved away:
"Barak Obama thinks folks like you are 'bitter.' Well, if you ask me, he's the bitter elitist with a fancy law degree from an Ivy League school . . . I know I attended Yale Law School, but I didn't inhale any of the elitist atmosphere while I was there. I was too busy trying to keep Bill (then only my first and only boyfriend) from chasing after those slutty undergraduate girls. Anyway, he's the bitter elitist is where I was going with this. On the other hand, I'm the upbeat elitist--er, I'm the upbeat candidate-- never mind . . . I misspoke when I referred to myself as an elitist. I'm just upbeat and positive, just like you folks. See, that's what Bitter Barak doesn't understand the way I do. His elitism prevents him from understanding how upbeat and positive folks like you and I are. He's completely out of touch with your experience.
"We have a lot in common, actually, aside from our all being upbeat and positive. Let me explain. All the manufacturing and other factory jobs with their high wages and union benefits moved away to sunny Mexico after the North American Free Trade Act went into effect. NAFTA is something we have in common--you folks lost your jobs because of it, and my husband signed it into law with my enthusiastic support. I've always defended Bill's decision on NAFTA, in fact, precisely because it gives me another close tie to the good people of Pennsylvania factory towns. Bitter Barak thinks you are bitter about losing your jobs due to NAFTA, but I know better. Small town America knows how to roll with the punches--incidentally that's another thing we have in common--I know how to take a punch as I've mentioned during my campaign. Anyway, small town America knows how to move on and find new skills, not waste their time letting the collapse of the local economy embitter them. Heck, I'll bet you folks were down right happy for the Mexican workers who replaced you--Bill really gave them a lucky break after all. I'm sure you folks would warmly congratulate each and every new employee of your old companies if you could. I can feel it.
"Instead, Bitter Barak assumes you've all bitterly turned to religion, guns and anti-immigrant views. Well, that may be what a bitter guy like him would do in your place, and that shows just how out of touch he is with you and your values. Let's talk for a moment about why he's so wrong about your views in all three cases.
"First, take religion. What he doesn't understand is that you folks didn't just suddenly turn to religion to soothe your bitterness over your sudden job loss and impending economic distress. I know this because I've had my people pull the evidence together that supports my claim. The fact is that not a single new house of worship has been constructed or even expanded since your jobs literally went South. Truth be told, several congregations have disbanded because not enough parishioners were contributing money to fund their operations. Therefore, it is outrageous for Bitter Barak to suggest that communities like yours are nursing their bitterness with their faith. Don't get me wrong though--I can feel how strong a force religion is here. So much so that I'll bet the workers who took your jobs, the executives that made the decision to relocate operations, and all the politicians and diplomats, especially my husband, who worked so diligently to make NAFTA a reality, are all in your prayers every Sunday. Bitter Barak simply misses the point, but then he is a closet Muslim and they're know to hold one Hell of a grudge.
"Alright, guns are next. Bitter Barak thinks that you express your frustration and bitterness about your tenuous economic situation by stockpiling guns and venting your anger and bitterness firing round after round at human-shaped paper targets at your local firing range or gun club. It wouldn't surprise me if he imagines that you even visualize the fine Mexican gentlemen who took your jobs when you shot at those targets. An elitist like him just doesn't get it. On the other hand, I know that nothing could be further from the truth. I understand that you folks are displaying American ingenuity and being proactive. You folks are dealing with your grossly reduced economic circumstances and hunting (or practicing your marksmanship skills in order to hunt more efficiently) in order to put food on your tables when you can't afford groceries. What's more full of American optimism than that? Bitter Barak doesn't get this either.
"Finally, Bitter Barak seems to think that having your jobs outsourced to Mexico due to NAFTA has made you folks bitter about immigrants, even legal ones, who come here to compete for any remaining jobs in communities like yours. Now, I know this one can't be true either. Seriously, call me naïve, but I doubt even Bitter Barak can't believe you folks would be this unfair. If we are allowed to send well-paying jobs and business operations to abroad, to compete with local companies for the workers there, then fairness demands that workers from abroad should be allowed to come to your communities and compete for any remaining jobs on an equal footing. Bitter Barak might think you fear competing with immigrants, but I know you folks are upbeat and happy to meet this challenge head .. all, America is the great melting pot. I'll bet you folks greet immigrants by showering them with house-warming gifts.
"Well, so much for you folks being bitter. It's too bad Bitter Barak is so out of touch with your experiences and values. I certainly hope I can count on your vote on April 22nd -- a vote for Hillary is a vote for some one who really understands you. Just say no to elitism and vote for me. Thank you for your time and attention."
Senator Clinton and her entourage made a harrowing dash for her campaign bus through a hail gun fire from a group of apparently quite bitter Pennsylvanian snipers.