I hesitate to even write this because I've been such a hypocrit the past few months in my relationship with God, but He chased me down and is helping me be more real now....so - here goes...

Are you afraid of lonliness?  Pull back from people, be alone with yourself - and find that God is there with you, more comfort than is humanly possible.

Are you afraid of hopelessness?  Sit in the dark, imagine all the ways you could fail, cry, tell God how trapped you feel and how bad it hurts - if the words will come - cry some more ... cry some more ... and His Presence will come and bring glimpses of hope..maybe small at first, but hope will come. 

Do you fear sorrow?  Let yourself sob uncontrollably for all the things you regret and all the pain you've caused and feel and see around you ... embrace sorrow and experience it, tell God about it and ask Him to forgive you for all the pain you've caused, ask Him to help you forgive yourself and others... and in the middle of sorrow, you'll find Christ there with you - ready to offer mercy and grace for you and everyone else.

Why is it that the things I'm most often uncomfortable with (feelings of lonliness, hopelessness, sorrow) are the very things that lead me to a deeper relationship with Christ?  Just the other day, I asked God 'Why does this invitation into a deeper relationship with You have to ache?'  Now, I realize it's because I wouldn't move one way or the other without the prodding of pain in my life.  God is not trying to make my life hell.  He's trying to help me, but the only thing I've been responding to lately is pain!  Now, who's fault is that?  ...thank God there's grace for that too.