i feel like my profile pic today....i just wanna run away screaming...this week is just going from bad to worse...

i no i only really ever write to complain but thats only cos i dont have a best friend who i can talk to...so ja...

ok...anyway....

my great uncle is on his death bed...which is such a sad site to see...but at least we know he'll soon be with his maker...pain and trouble free...with him being so sick, his daughter has come from america to see him....now, just a little background...yesterday 11 months ago her son was shot dead...by a gang...at sum party...last nite, visiting her sick father...it wasnt about saying goodbye to him, but more about telling the world the harrowing tale...she had quite an audience...and then came the photo dvd's...and the newspaper clippings...i mean, i understand, it was her son, but it was nearly a year ago....she has a daughter , i feel so sorry for her...but anyway...may his soul rest in peace.

now you probably dont no this....but that actually happened on my birthday...well...he was shot the day before, but passed away on my birthday...which is also one of the reasons that im not having a 'party' only a lunch...luckily...they're only staying three weeks...

but my birthday 'lunch' is anyway becoming a day im dreading...just feel like cancelling the whole thing and rather staying in bed the whole day....or even better...going to see nickleback...i mean, i just dont see the point...and i bet everyone is only coming for the free food...not even to come see me...cos as is always very obviously pointed out by my family...no1 likes me...

i guess im being stupid...but the thing thats really upset me the most is the fact that the most important person in my life will now no longer be going to my birthday....but that was their choice...i've been sitting for the past two days with a broken heart...not getting any sleep...and having the worst pain in the world....i have no idea wats wrong...but i couldnt be bothered to go to the doctor to check it out...maybe it would be better if i was no longer around...nobody would have to pretend to like me...and i'd be free of all this pain....i feel numb....(besides the terrible physical pain)...

i just wish i couldve been sum1 else.....................