"Mr. Smith?"

"Here!  I mean, that's me.  Sorry, I feel like I'm in school again.  Ha ha."

"Please sit down at Station One."

"Okey-dokey!"

"Why are you here?"

"I am here to renew my driver's license.  Here is my old one, along with my birth certificate, Social Security card, and proof of insurance."

"We just need the old license."

"Whoops!  I haven't done this before.  I mean, I have my license, but I haven't renewed it before.  I kind of started driving late. Back in high school, I..."

"We just need you to sign this, then take a vision and sign test."

"Don't worry!  I studied hard."

"That's great.  Could you sign..."

"Uh, it says this form is for felons."

"No, it says we're allowed to check to see if you ARE a felon, and impose restrictions accordingly."

"Oh!  Well, I'm okay with that.  'cause I'm not a felon.  Well, I did download some music back in college, but I got rid of it when iTunes came out.  (pause)  Copyright violation is wrong."

"Do you have any history of problems with drugs, alcohol, seizures or mental health disorders?"

"What?  Look, I have a little social anxiety, but I hope I'm not giving the impression that --"

"We ask everyone this question."

"Oh.  Then I guess the answer is, 'Not that I know of!'  Ha ha."

"Please read the top layer of letters on the scanner."

(does this)  "Do you need me to read the other three rows?"


"No."

"Because I can do that.  They are very legible to me."

"Just tell me what the 12 signs below are."

"Uh...hill...slippery when wet...no U-Turn...two-way traffic around divided highway...no parking...do not enter...merging traffic from right...railroad crossing...then there's these four unlabled signs..."

"Just say what kind of signs they are."

"Uh...uh...so the first one is octagonal, which means it's a stop sign, which is a regulatory sign...then the next three are yellow, which means they're warning signs...I'm not 100 percent sure what should be on them...they could refer to highway traffic, or residental neighborhoods, or that triangular one could mean it's a school zone, or a predestrian crossing, or...oh god, I took those five sample tests with 30 questions each twice!  These questions weren't on there!  I'm going to lose..."

"You passed."

"What?"

"You just had to say they were warning signs."

"Oh."

"That'll be $32.  Cash or check only."

"Let me check my wallet.  $20...$25...$30...$32...wow, I had exactly $32 in cash in there.  What are the odds?  Good thing, otherwise I'd have had to come back!"

"We appreciate exact change.  Head over there for your picture."

"All righty!  Boy, can you believe the day I get my new license is the first day in years I get a zit on my..."

"There are people waiting."

"Okay!  Thanks again.  Guess I'll see you on the road!"

"Mmm."