so here it is. my story, to those who dont know me....my name is brent. im just a guy trying to live a life attempting to fit in....and trying to keep friends.
 

i was born in the town of b'ham on january 30 of 1992. my mom loved me but never really listened. my dad was there but its all hard to remember. i had a normal childhood, cars,stuffed animals, and driving my bigfoot into the swimming pool then crying cuz my hotdog was floating away as my bigfoot sank to the bottom. i got in trouble at school and got a spankin from my dad and no cartoons until they said i could again. i remember sitting in the garage after school every day with my dad....watching him work on the lambo kit car...sometimes i even helped him. i loved cars....and i looked up to my dad. but on the day of may 16 1998 my world came crashing down. tht day my dad had taken me over to my aunt and uncle's house. i had been asking to go all day. he dropped me off and told me he loved me. so me, my aunt, and my uncle had just gotten home from eating supper. we walked in and found a note on the table, saying my dad was dead. it was kept a secret from me until later that night when family started showing up. The preacher and my uncle pulled me aside in the front yard and told me what had happened. I was six years old, just a little boy....i didnt understand....it was all so weird. it was too much for me to process in my head...the more i thought about it the dizzier i got. i remember the dizzy feeling....it was like a dream,a nightmare,and being unconceous all at the same time.

my dad died of suicide in the manor of carbon monoxide poisoning.

i remember the funeral, i refused to go in, i guess i thought if i didnt go in that it wouldnt be him in the casket. i waited outside and walked on the curb until it was over. the burial was even more confusing because there were so many people there and i didnt want to think it was real. i remember alex crumpton...a girl i had known all my life from school, she was there. she gave me a big stuffed tiger. she made me feel better. she was one of the only kids at school that didnt stop excepting me because of not knowing how to treat a kid that had problems like that. the funeral was over and i just wanted to go home. i wanted it to all be over and everything go back to the same way it was before. i got home and daddy wasnt there. the cars were in the garage but daddy wasnt. it was a nightmare becoming my real life. it wasnt fair.
my mom got married to a guy named brad, he was a really cool guy. he did stuff with me, he took me to the park, he even took me to the gym with him to work out.
mom and brad fought alot. she would cuss at him and he would yell at her. they ended up in physical fights most of the time. i had to call the police on them 3 different times. i looked past all that. i still liked him, he was my new daddy i had to like him, right? my mom says he cheated on her all the time but i dont think he did. he picked me up from church one day and took me out to lunch. he explained to me that he was leaving my mom because it wasnt a good relationship. he was wearing a big coat,which he took off to show my aunt and uncle what my mom had done to him. it looked like he was attacked by knives. he had bled from most of the scratches.
my mom met rob at mazer's sometime in 2002. my mom fell fast for him. they got married just weeks after meeting him. i liked him. he had a camaro. he wore black leather like a biker. he was just all around cool. it was all good up until i got older and he started acting like he controls me. ever since then it's been nothing but problems. every time i do something wrong he acts like ive have literally commited a crime.
i think my depression has gotten gradually worse since my dad died. at first i was upset, at this point i have made 3 different suicide attempts. i feel that my life is so bad that i would be better off dead. sure its not logical. sure i have too much to live for. yeh i have people that love and care about me. but im just not happy, i dont have the heart to put into staying around. i get hurt easily. i fall easy for girls. i trust friends too often. its all just a game. a game that im just a few levels behind. i want to be happy but wanting and getting are two different things. i just want a girl that will love and care about me. who will take care of me when i get in a death-kinda mood. one girl could change my whole life. it just takes a someone who will step up and show me the affection ive never had. i want a girl who cares. a girl who understands. a girl that loves me for the heart i have not the hair or the jersey or the wallet.

well now you know my story. thats me plain and simple. i just want to be needed.