Tim'm T. West for Red Dirt Publishing © 2008


the weight of this loss
if almost, but not quite
the real thing
is coequal
to the weight of my surrender
if a decoy of the alpha particle
the nucleus around which I created
a universe, a "life"
if an axis
an imaginary line on which I grounded
belief in a good God
and these
are reason enough
to not
"just get over it".
there is no direct proportion
in this aftermath
every day
since he stopped wanting to want
the life I believed we once imagined
i have loved him

have you ever said goodbye
to hundreds of people who loved you
because you loved someone
enough to say goodbye to many
as surely as you were prepared to say
"i do", to one?
burden the car
with the mass of
things that matter
books, pictures, music
memories
the uncertainty of forever
a test of good faith
the scent from his last visit
the impressions left
that shortened the distance
between time and space
the echo of
Oleta Adams "Get Here"
or Sade's "Kiss of Live".

the dream remains
electromagnetic
love, a centripetal force
affecting good sense
like an eye
over the hurricane
is something meant to be
and not
those who, like me,
choose to weather such storms
pick up the remains
and make do
but we do not flee
some things
some people
are just made that way
to not
"just get over it"
can a raisin in the sun
become wine?

those who have never
loved like this
who've never felt
the crest of surrender
in the pit of their stomachs
who guard, calculate, caution
the heart's trajectory…
yes…
they more easily walk away
they "just get over it"
but none of them have loved
with the surrender
if careless
that I have
with the intention
of trusting a catch
in the fall
and none of them
have gotten back up
bruised, broken, and disoriented
for accelerating
for the cumulative perfecting of faith
so many who worship God
do not trust God
as I have
the Christians tell me
of someone who loved like this
I think I know him better
than they
understand that path
if not moved by pulpits
evangelical pageantry
or gospel about him

this forget me knot
in my stomach
is far too familiar
with waking for the love of him
moments to the year
to deny the force
of all the beautiful lies
believed
the amplitude of
this heart's oscillation
like a pendulum swing
pushed by the smile of him
so I will take
all the damn time I need
to achieve balance
again
I will own
all the love I still feel
because I don't believe
in lying to myself
to save face
appear hardened and unbothered
if unable to cry anymore

and someday
the force of gravitation
will not be as thick as
the escape velocity
the desire to love again
and be loved well
by somebody, I believe, loves like me
is the inevitability of hope
so I will try
(again)
as surely as I do now.
this is how I'm made
I am a man of God
these are laws of physics