Huh. Well, it started well enough, I guess. New Years Eve was spent downing some Goose by myself in S. Dakota in a hotel room. Followed by taking a 30 min. stroll in -20* weather. When I finally did make it back to Florida, I missed the drivers party in Coconut Creek. I have people to hang out with now. And I found out that I lost weight. Then I find out that some asshole who'll remain anonymous for now, started a rumor about me.

So, my cousins decide that they want to see snow. So we head to N. Texas where there was supposedly snow, and there wasn't. Then we decide that we'll just go north until we find it. Then we hit K.C. Missouri, and decided to go to S. Dakota to see the babysitter, who's home for the holidays. (No it wasn't my idea, I didn't put subliminal messages in anyone's mind because I was crushing on her) We were supposed to party in the hotel to welcome the new year, and everyone goes to sleep at 11 o'clock. WTF?? I didn't want to drink by myself. I don't care if I'm the only one drinking, but I wanted to talk to someone. No one picked up there phone when I tried getting ahold of them.(assholes) I ended up talking to one of my younger cousins. Turns out she's having problems with her boyfriend. I told her that if he isn't making her happy that she need's to leave his punk ass. But she say's that she "loves" him. Then I find out that he hit her. That fucking made me mad. Who the FUCK does he think he is? I don't care if your playing. If you hit a girl hard enough to hurt them, you've gone too far. I don't want to seem like I want them to break up, because it's not my decision, but if it doesn't make you happy, the don't do it.

On my way back to Florida, still thinking I could make it in time for the drivers party, I ask some one to go with me. And, while I expected it, which is why I never asked before, the response was, "No, I do not want to hang out with you." I knew that it'd somehow insult them to ask, but I needed a designated driver, and everyone else I knew was in Oklahoma for Mike Fish's funeral. I have no delusions of grandure, I know what I am, what I look like, and how I act. It was her decision, and she made it. Although, I thought she'd ask "why" first, and carry on the conversation. Maybe that's why I like her. Because she say's what she thinks. But I felt like a creep after that reply, so I interacted with her minimally after that.

I found out that I lost 43lbs since November, which is unhealthy, but made me happy for half a day. That's ~21lbs a month!!! I don't really feel any different, but numbers don't lie.

It only kept me happy for half a day because I found out that night that someone started a rumor about me. According to said rumor, I "felt up," a girl during Thanksgiving while I was drinking. My brother knew for 2 weeks before I made him tell me WTF he was talking about. So I tell him to call her and ask her if I did that. Some of my cousins were sitting there when I told him to. He obviously thought that I had, since he didn't come out and tell me, and since he didn't want to do it infront of everyone. If I did something like that I'd like to fucking know. I wouldn't want anyone to feel less than what they are worth because I did something so low. So he calls her and she confirms that I didn't touch her, and that she'd like to know who's saying that shit. And my punk ass brother wouldn't tell her, which also pissed me off. The girl is hot, and I wouldn't mind trying my hand at her while we're sober. I can't stand the way people talk about her the way it is. And when I ask them why they say this shit, the say, "it's just what I heard." If you want to talk shit, you should at least talk to them in person first. And just because they did some stupid shit in the past doesn't mean that it shoud haunt them forever.

Do I really come off as the type of person that would do something like that? Why wouldn't they confront me about it? Ya'll obviously had to believe that I'd do that if you wouldn't ask or tell me about that.

And another thing. Even if I did, who's business is it of some asshole that tried to cheat on his wife with the nanny? Which I feet bad about, because I feel like I put her in that position. He asked me to get her, I figured that one of the kids needed to be attended to, and I woke her up and sent her in there. Then I find out the next morning that he tried to sleep with her, and that she felt ashamed. I really do feel like it's my fault. I feel like I helped him try to mess with her. I wanted to tell her sorry, but I was too ashamed, I guess. Now I wish I would have gone to Los Coco's for her going away dinner, so I could tell her, but she probably wouldn't have even listened. Since she probably would have thought that I'd be trying to hit on her.

But that's been my thought lately. "What kind of person do people see me as?" I must come off as a pretty deplorable guy for 3 out of the 5 people that I messaged that night (that replied) said that they knew about the rumor for 3 weeks. I may be an atheist, but I do have morals that I stand on. Like as follows:

1. I won't get in the way of someone's happiness. I don't care if it means me being depressed and alone.

2. I won't hit on or try to mess with a girl while I'm inhibited, or they're in inhibited. I don't care how hot they may be.

3. I'm not going to tell someone to stop believing in god. If believing in a diety make you happy, then I'll follow rule one. But be prepared for an in depth explanation if you ask me why I don't believe in one.

4. If you do something, good or bad, you better be ready for the consequences. Don't try blaming someone else for your fuck up's.

5. NO SNITCHING!!! I don't care what it is that I know, I'm not going to tell anyone anything, unless it's about me, or involves me. And even then, the number of people I'd talk to could be counted on one hand.

I guess there is alot of time left in this year for things to start looking up again. I'll see, since I have nothing else to do.

That's all for now, since my buzz is wearing off.

Until next time, "Later Bitches!!!"

-James